Bart: (knocks on Willy's door) Willy: Sorry, Willy can't hears ya! (turns on the radio and choses which bagpipe tune he likes the best)
Seymour: Lisa, Channel Six is launching a childrens news program, and they've asked me to select an outstanding student to be anchor child. Lisa: (gasps) Oh my god! Today's top story, little girl on cloud nine as dream comes true Seymour: Lisa, I've selected you to be that child anchor Lisa: I know, I already jumped to that conclusion Seymour: Alright, if you're so smart, tell me who I selected to be lunch room monitor? Lisa: Me! Skinner: Take your sash and go! Milhouse: Wow! Kent Brockman! Kent: Good luck kids! (to chef) Where the HELL's my grilled cheese! Abe: Oooh Son! This monkey's gonna change my life! Homer: Mind if I take him for a ride? Abe: Sure I'll just stand here (Homer drives off like a maniac)
Mmmmm, I can't wait to eat that monkey! Kidz Newz Theme (sung by Nelson): da-ta-da-ta-da-ta-da-ta-da- ding! And now, Kidz Newz, da-ta-da-ta-da-ta, with Kidz Newz anchor, Lisa, bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bum Bart: Anchorman huh? Well if I'm gonna be an anchorman, I'd better go bleach the crud off my teeth, I'll be in makeup Lady: Lisa, Bart's got something you can't learn in school...ZAZ! Lisa: What is Zaz? Lady: Zing, Zork, Kapowza, call it what you want, in any language it spells Mazooma in the bank! Lisa: Zork!? What is Zork!? Lady: I didn't say Zork.
Marge: Why didn't you tell me you were bringing home a filthy monkey? Homer: This filthy monkey made the orange juice you are drinking
Bart: I'll show Lisa who's dumb! (picks up newspaper)...Supreme Court reverses....uuuhh, I won't turn to the comics I won't turn to the comics! All right, I'll read one comic just to get me rolling. Archie: Hey jughead, did you hear, the Supreme Court reversed ooohh!
Bart: Joe Banks... 82 years young has come to this pond every day for the past 17 years, to feed the ducks. But last month, Joe made a discovery... the ducks... were gone! Some say the ducks went to Canada, others say Toronto. And some people think, that joe used to sit down there, near those ducks. But it could be, that there is just no room in this modern world, for an old man... and... his ducks...
Lisa: They call her the cat lady, people say she's crazy just because she has a few-dozen cats. But can anyone who loves animals that much really be crazy? (lady gets out of house, sees Lisa, and starts throwing cats at her, and chasing her) Lisa: The old Union Pacific doesn't come by here much anymore. (train comes past, displaying the words 'Union Pacific' on each of the 30 or so carriages, when the train fully gets past, the lady with the cats is there, still chasing here) Bart: I just think our veterans deserve a little recognition Lisa: That's what Veterans Day is for, Bart Bart: But is that really enough to honour our brave soldiers? Lisa: They also have memorial day! Bart: Oh Lisa maybe you're right maybe you're wrong, the important thing is that veterans deserve a day to honour them! Lisa: They have TWO! Bart: Well maybe they should have three, I'm Bart Simpson.
