Homer: I don't wanna buy this house, I'd have to live next door to myself. Homer #1: Turn that down! Homer #2: Screw you! Homer: They charge for materials AND labour. Pick one, jerks!
Marge: I'm not wearing any clothes, so why don't I just splay myself on a pool table. Bart: I could make the treehouse look like this. Then we could have orgies. Whatever they are. Milhouse/Bart: We are Playdude playmates, we are Playdude playmates. Marge: I think you used too much plaster. Homer: Oh now you tell me. Marge: I never stopped telling you. Homer: So that's what that white noise was.
Mel: Hazaah for Marge! Marge: And how bout a hazaah for my husband who paid for our new kitchen. Mel: Never! Apu: Mrs. Simpson you must pursue your dreams, like my old dream of coming to America and starting a family, or my new dream of ditching my family and sneaking back to India in disguise. Apu, never heard of him, my name is Steve Barnes. Wiggum: Sorry Ralphie, the bake-off rejected your recipe. Ralph: I wanna be in the bake-off! Wiggum: There there, I think your grilled crayon sandwich was delicious. Ralph: You only had a pretend bite. Wiggum: No I'm eating it, look! Ralph: Can you taste the thumbtacks? Wiggum: Uh crap. Nelson: Haw haw! Bart looks different today. Bart: Be there or be square. Ralph: I wanna be a triangle. Bart: You're not invited. James Caan: Hey Bart, me and Mrs. Krabappel are gonna go play some backgammon, if you know what I mean. Bart: I don't but I hope you win. Edna: Oh he's gonna win. Caan: Some guys like a challenge. Not me. Marge: Stop, you're tainting my entry. Luigi: Oh I'm so sorry. It was how you say, done with malice a forethought, yes? Marge: You did it on purpose? Luigi: No no no, my English is not so good, i was how you say, ruining your food so I win, yes? Bart: My Roddy told a joke about an octopus and a set of bagpipes and the punchline implied that they fornicated.
Marge: If i can feed a family of five on twelve dollars a week, I can do anything. Lisa: You feed us on twelve dollars a week? Marge: I stretch your fathers meatloaf with sawdust.
Homer: Hey honey is mom winning? Lisa: Oh she'll win the contest, but she'll lose her soul. Homer: But she'll still win the contest? Lisa: And lose her soul. Homer: But win the contest? Lisa: Yes. Homer: Woohoo!
Homer: Will you excuse us, Milton? Milhouse: It's Milhouse. Homer: Yeah and your father's no-house. Now scram!
Bart: I'm just speading the Playdude philosophy. Hi fi's, Norman Nailer, gettin' some. Homer: Um, what do you think 'some' is? Bart: Um... toys?
Homer: It's time to tell you the facts of life. Do you know what a boob is? Bart: Oh yeah. Homer: Good, that'll save us some time.
Homer: Why do you think your mother and I sleep in the same bed? Bart: Because we're poor? Homer: Exactly, and we're poor because we have kids. And the biological method by which children are created by a man and a woman is... Bart: AAAAAAAAAH!
