Dr. Hibbert: You know, Marge makes a good point. Competitive schools aren't for every baby. Homer: Are you saying my daughter can't cut it just because I owe you 14 thousand dollars? Kid: The pig says 'oink!' The chicken says.. Cowell: Look, stop right there, I could go any Chuck E Cheese in America and hear what animals say. You know what I say. I say "next!" Kid: You're a poopy! Cowell: You nurse with that mouth?
Cowell: And what's your name? Marge: Maggie. Cowell: I'm sorry, but why are you answering for her? Marge: Maggie doesn't talk yet. Cowell: Not a word? Marge: Oh she says lots of words, like when she wants something, she says 'eh! eh! nyeh eh! eh!' Cowell: Maggie, we're not a mime school. So we can't take a non-talker. Homer: Oh Maggie will do just fine. She'll have plenty of money. Cause she'll marry a grocer. Marge: But grocers don't make that much. Homer: Who steals from the till, will you let me finish, geez! Cowell: Well look who's back. Pippi Non-Talking. Lisa: Just because Maggie can't talk doesn't mean she's dumb. Einstein didn't speak till he was three! Marge: And even then he could only speak German. Cowell: Well congratulations. You're now as intelligent as a pig. Let's see if you can move up to dolphin. How many people in your family. :Maggie holds up five fingers: Homer: Woohoo! I got that one right too! Cowell: Your baby is brilliant, why she already teach at Florida State. Lisa: But my I.Q. is only 159! Maggie is more intelligent than me? Cowell: That's right, because 167 is a bigger number than 159. Do you see how that works? Lisa: Yes, thankyou. Homer: So our kids keep getting smarter. If we have another one it could build a time machine which we could use to go back in time and not have any kids. Marge: All our children are smart. Some of them are just smarter than the others. Bart: Welcome to... the others! Lisa: Hey, why do they call them field trips, we never go to a field. Skinner: Oh untrue, last Thursday we visited a battle field. Ralph: I'm bembarassed for you! Nelson: The following haha is not from amusement but an expression of contempt. Ha ha! Bart: When you're a baby you spend all day just rolling around on the floor. Boy, I miss that. Nelson: Fine, roll around on the floor, baby! Floor baby! Floor baby! Lisa: You're making fun of him for something you made him do. Nelson: Yeah, well, you're gay. Lisa: People who accuse others of being gay are often covering up their own latent homosexuality. Nelson: Um eh... bullies rule! Homer: The school sent this dealie over for Maggie. His name is Phonic Frog. Frog: A B C. Ha-O-Me-Er. Homer: Hehehe, that's me! Ha-O-Me-Er. Frog: This is Ha-O-Me-Er's doctor. He's too sick to work today. Homer: Hehe, I'll uh be right back. Frog: I agree with your mother. You are a disappointment to Ha-O-Me-Er.
Marge: Lisa's gone, you have to find her. Wiggum: Why can't you just accept that Lisa is old enough to take care of herself. Back off and let her live her life. Marge: But she's only eight. Wiggum: Oh, I thought you said eighty. We'll get right on it.
Lisa: I'm tired. I'm hungry. Red plastic sandals are not great running away shoes.
Wiggum: We found your daughter's belongings. Marge: Where'd you find these? Wiggum: Giant tongue. Homer: I knew it! Wiggum: We also discovered something very unusual at that museum. Marge: Oh my god, what. Wiggum: Well if you drop a feather and a bowling ball in a vacuum, they'll fall at the same rate. You think you've seen it all in this job and then something like that comes along.
Wiggum: You look around there while Eddie, Lou, and I go ask a few questions. Like how does a helicopter fly. Lou: And what causes thunder. Wiggum: I say it's angels bowling.
Lou: Yo, chief, we've got a problem here. I see a vase, but Eddie sees two people in profile. Wiggum: Now this may shock you but you're both right.
Cowell: I'm afraid your daughter is no longer welcome at our school. She's as common as an angry woman in a knibson play. Homer: Haha! Zing!
Woman: Here you're telling her the answer is no. Here the solution is a square. Here you're telling her the answer is California Condor.
Lisa: So Maggie's not a genius? Cowell: She could be. At sweeping up hair. Homer: That's my baby jerk! :hits Cowell: Cowell: You call that a punch. I felt it, but it was like "So what?" Homer: :hits Cowell: Cowell: Again with the nose, I have a chin you know.
Simon Cowell Reading Over Credits: Do we really need three of these people?
Too ethnic, change it.
More like CartWrong!
Worst voicing ever.
Finally a real celebrity.
Oh good, more producers, just what they need.
Him, I like.
Yes, but what's he done lately.
Very original Simon Cowell as Simon Cowell. Well done.
Really don't care anymore
All useless.
Do credits really have to go this long.
Oh shoosh yourself!
