Homer: A library selling books? If I didn't want em for free why would I wanna pay for them? Marge: Why do you always wait till we arrive to complain? Homer: :thinks for a few seconds: I dunno... Dr. Nick: Hmm, that's what we look like inside? It's disgusting! Uugh, that lady swallowed a baby! Marge: Lisa, you're not buying more than your weight in books. Lisa: But I have to save them! The books no one buys get chopped up and fed to pigs! Cletus: Helen Fielding's giving those pigs Bridget Jones's Dihoreah! Marge: Well what about this. The Duff Book Of World Records. It's got pictures of deformities! Homer: Oh okay. :laughs at the pages: Bart: Why would Duff Beer put out a book? Lisa: It was originally published to settle arguments in taverns. Homer: She said tavern! I'm goin' to Moes! Marge: :yelling after him: I never agreed to that rule! Moe: That's the best book I've ever seen! Homer: Nope, the best book you've ever seen is Tom Clancy's Opcenter. Moe: That thing knows me better than I know myself. Bart: Why don't you try to set a record, dad? Homer: That's a great idea! Do you think I could run a mile in three and a half minutes? Lisa: Only on Mars. Homer: The Simpsons are going to Mars! So pack your... or maybe I'll think of something else. Homer: What's the longest anyone's ever done this: :dances around blurting out sounds: Lady: Three years. Homer: Oh Pff.. fine. I'll just play the banjo with this cobra. Guy: Uh, technically the cobra would get the record, he's the one playing. Homer: But it's my banjo! Lady: There are thousands of people like you with no disearnable talent. Homer: Yeah, they're called congress! HEHEHE.. Lady: Shutup. Homer: Okay Homer: Alright, I'll make base camp here and try for the summit tomorrow. Bart: Yeah dad, you can be the world's laziest stunt organizer. Guy: Everyone, welcome to the Duff Book Of World Records. Springfield is the world's fattest town! Homer: Woohoo! In your face, Milwaukee! Marge: Ooh! Sugar Free Donuts! Apu: No, that is sugar, WITH free donuts! Dr. Hibbert: Sugar is not only fattening it's also terribly terribly addictive. Er, is my carton of pixie sticks in? Apu: No it hasn't come in yet. Dr. Hibbert: :violently: DAMMIT! When they come in you call me at this number! Apu: :reading: 911? Apu: I'm sorry but everything in this store from the honey glazed cauliflower to the chocko blasted baby asprin comes from the Mother Loving Sugar Corporation. Marge: Well I'm going to have a talk with them. Where are their worldwide headquarters located? Apu: Why right down the street. Marge: Excuse me, I'm looking for the head of Mother Loving Sugar. Garth: Yes, I'm Garth Motherloving. Marge: I'm Marge Simpson, long time customer, first time complainer. Garth: Hi Marge, I'm not up on the current slang but do the kids still say: "Get the hell out of my office!"? Marge: I want you to stop putting so much sugar in everything! Or at least warn people that it's so unhealthy. Garth: Mmm.. that'll boost sales! While we're at it, why don't I just change my name back to Hitler? Garth: Note to Marge: GET OUT! :throws Marge the tape: Marge: I'll play it later. Marge: If you look up meany beany fo feeny in the dictionary, you'd see his picture! Homer: Wait! YOU went to a sugar factory? Were there Oompa Loompas? Marge: There was one in a cage. But he wasn't moving. Marge: I'm filing a class action lawsuit against big sugar. Would you like to give a deposition? Chief Wiggum: Sure, I'll join your lawsuit. Sugar's made my Ralphie hyperactive. Ralph: I'm happy AND ANGRY! Disco Stu: I'll get down with your lawsuit. Disco Stu got hooked on the white stuff back in the 70's. Marge: Is that dinner? Homer: It was dinner. Marge: Why didn't you just turn off the oven? Homer: I was hoping we could do that together :cries: Mystery Voice: Marge Simpson? Marge: Who is this? Frink: I am an anonymous whistle blower. I worked on a top secret project called operation HOYVIN MAYVINNNNNNG! Marge: Professor Frink? Frink: Ow what gave me away? Out of curiosity was it the hoyvin or the mayvin or was is the whole GUHAYVEY thing that I do? Garth: Frink you little weasel! I'll kill you! Lawyer: May I remind you we're in open court! Garth: I'll kill you too! I'll kill you all! Judge: Mr. Motherloving that could be interpreted as a threat! Garth: I'll kill you while you sleep. Judge: I rule in favour of Marge Simpson. Homer: Oh I am so proud of you! Judge: And thanks to Marge Simpson's damning I hereby ban all sugar products from Springfield... forever! Homer: Get in the car...
Homer: Thank you Erin Chocosnitch! That was a group effort. Marge: I was just trying to make this a healthier place to live! Homer: Well good work Blue Hair And Brockowitch! Okay that was mine.
Wiggum: Alright, time to throw in the Butterfingers. Eddie: Hmm, it's not even singed. Wiggum: Even the fire doesn't want them.
Homer: Ooh Ohh! A sticky spot! :licks it: Apu: Mr. Simpson, you're licking blood and vaporub! Homer: Part of me knew that.
Lisa: Is it really worth risking your lives for some sugar? Marge: Dessert's on! I steamed some limes! Lisa: God speed.
Count Fudgula: How's he doing? Bart: I think he's grossed out by some seaweed. Homer: Eew, I touched it..
Man: Okay man, here's the sugar. Now you give us the money! Homer: That wasn't part of the deal. Hahaha. Man: He's right... who wrote this thing!?
Burns: Stroke stroke stroke! Apu: I'm rowing as fast as I can, sir! Burns: No! I'm having one!
Homer: Before I bring the sugar in, I wanna see the Oompa Loompa. Garth: He's right over there... Homer: That guy's freaky!
Marge: No Homer! You'll be condemning this town to a life of obesity and diabetes. Garth: Don't listen to her, Homer! Homer: Oh they both make such good arguments!
Lenny: Hey I found some pearls! Oh wait, they're just my teeth. Well, I can still make a necklace out of them!
