Wardrobe Guy: I am sick of your jokes about the wardrobe. You people can dress yourselves! Sports Presenter: Well folks he's got a point, with all our unscripted horseplay we sometimes don't think about... Homer: Lenny! Are you watching this? Lenny: Yeah, they really hurt that guy's feelings! Homer: I know!
Marge: Finally a circus full of whimsy and wonder! Homer: Oh yeah that's way better than fun and excitement. Lisa: As French Canadians, they don't believe in refunds or exploiting animals for entertainement. Homer: Oh I really wanted to see them fire a gorilla out of a cannon! Marge: They always pick the guy with the wires! Sea Captain: Yarr! Help! I was tied here by teenage pirates! Radio Presenter: And lastly Springfield Elementary School... is open! And it's open season on savings at Springfield Menswear. Which is closed! Bart: Oh everyone's off but us! Marge: Oh stop! Your father and I don't get the day off. Homer: Lenny says we've got the day off! Chief Wiggum: Ah yeah Clancy, spell your name... Hey Lou, could you shake out the last few drops for me? Lou: Yeah, no problem chief. Seems like a waste of coffee though. Marge: This is terrible! How will the kids get home? Homer: I dunno. Internet? Flanders: Well I'm all for rescuing the kids but I wish you hadn't sawed off my roof! Homer: My car, your roof. It's only fair! Flanders: But it's my car! Homer: Well.. yeah. Flanders: Hey, whatever happened to the Plow from your old snow plow business? Homer: I never had a snow plow business! Flanders: Sure you did, Mr. Plow. You're wearing the jacket right now! Homer: I think I know my own life, Ned. :sings: Call Mr. Plow, that's my name, that name again is Mr. Plow. Skinner: Think, Skinner, think! What would Superintendant Chalmers do? Chalmers: SKINNER!? Skinner: Ah, that's no help. Skinner: We're all going to sit tight and reminisce about candy bars! Guy: Uh well uuh, one time, I'm eating a candy bar at the beach, and a girl starts taking off her bathing suit! Skinner: Get back to the candy bar! Flanders: I think we hit something! Homer: I hope it's Flanders. Hehehehe! I'm just kidding! [ Homer sings 'Feel Like Making Love' and tells Ned he wrote it himself, as a tribute to Princess Diana and Dodi ] Ralph: Mr. Army Man? I can't sleep without my Reggie Rabbit! Skinner: Is that some sort of plush novelty? Ralph: Yes ma'am. Skinner: Uh, well here's a scouring pad, it's just as good. Ralph: It's cold and hurty! Willy: Okay Skinner. That's the last time you'll slap your willy around. I quit! Bart: What's the problem, Seymour? Stuck? Skinner: That's precisely the problem and you know it. Now get me out of here! Bart: What's that? You want the pee bucket on your head? Skinner: No! You're twisting my words! Skinner: I can't write this. It's a grammatical nightmare. And I'm getting a cramp in my wrist! Bart: After all the times I've done it my wrist sounds like a cement mixer. Nelson: Hey, look how much Skinner makes. 25,000 dollars a year! Bart: Lets see, he's 40 years old, times 25 grand.. woah! He's a millionaire! Skinner: I wasn't a principal when I was one! Skinner: If you get me out of this there's a hall monitor position coming open in the Spring. Nelson: I spit on your monitors. Skinner: I know. That's why the position's available. Skinner: You did it, Nibbles! Now... chew through my ball sack! Skinner: Bart, if there's one thing I'm good at, it's pretending things didn't happen. And I think this is one of those. Bart: One of which? Skinner: Exactly. Bart: No, seriously, I wasn't listening. Skinner: One of those situations where.. Bart: Gotcha! Scene: [ the episode ends with Homer being gassed out, Lisa turns into a Moose and Bart's an exotic woman. Lisa wishes you a Merry Christmas ]
