Bart: Here's the mail, dad! That'll be three dollars for on couch delivery. Homer: And three makes three. Bart: This isn't real money, it's printed by the Montana malicia. Homer: It'll be real soon enough.
Homer: Ooh! My first issue of self-test monthly. Finally I get to find out what makes me tick. Bart: I'm betting it's hunger and rage. Homer: Yes, but at what ratio? Are you a good driver.... Yes. Are you a good lover.... Yes. Oh I'm doing great! Lisa: Dad, those are just the names of the quizzes, you're supposed to open the magazine. Homer: My way is easier. Ned: It was a little insensitive of you giving me a sex test, seeing as my wife just passed away. Homer: No way! When? Ned: Six months ago. You were at the funeral. You fell into the grave! Homer: Hehe. Oh, yeah. I saw a gopher. What a day! Homer: Okay, last question. Who is your favorite Backstreet Boy? Lenny: Oh! The little rat-faced one. Carl: No, no, Nick! He's so good to his mother. Homer: According to this, you're both idiots. Lenny: Hey, thanks. What do we owe you? Homer: So according to this I'll live to be ... Forty-Two? Oh, that's horrible! I won't even live to see my children die! Charlie Rose: I remember Vincent Canby said, :turns to camera: "I'm going to kill you, Homer. You are so dead." Homer: [screams] Charlie Rose: Now "Chinatown" was a classic, but you had problems with the sequel, "The Two Jakes"? Robert Evans: Oh, boy. Disappointed? I had the blues like Chasen's had chili. I said to myself, "Evans, you forgot Hollywood Rule #1: :turns to camera: Kill Homer Simpson." Marge: This is terrible! The whole point of coming down here was for you to get some rest. Guy: Show us your boobs! Marge: Not now! Song: [Badwitaba - Kid Rock] Homer sings along, off cue. Homer: :drunk: Guess how many boobs I saw today, Marge?..... Fifteen! Homer: :singing: We built this city, this kick-ass city, What kind of music built this city? Lisa: :singing, unenthused: Rock and roll. Bart: Dad, look out! Homer: :singer: Look out for what? Bart: :singer: The giant gator! Homer: Okay, now am I the only one on fire? Good.. Velma: You took the signs out of the window? That's pretty presumptuous. How do you know I'm going to hire you? Bart: Sorry, I just want to be a broom boy so bad. Velma: I like your attitude. You're hired. :to Lisa: How 'bout
you, missy? You want to be a mop girl? Lisa: Not really, no. Velma: I like your honesty. You're hired. :to Marge and Homer: And you two haven't said a word. I like that -- you're
hired. Marge: Oh, it's so cozy. Velma: You're insincere. I like that Homer: [tries to knock Velma out with a frying pan]
Homer: :singing: Jimmy crack corn and I don't care, Jimmy crack corn and I'm not there, We built this city on rock and r-o-o-o-ll, Something, something, day.
Velma: Hey, you're stealling my trailor!.... I like that.
Sheriff: Afternoon, folks. Got a new assignment for you. The judge is having a little soirée and he needs some help. [Homer gets whipped] Boss: No listening. You hear me? Homer: Uh.... no? Boss: You just don't learn, do you? [whips Homer]
