Homer: What if I have to do my business? Lisa: Use this plastic bag! Homer: Oh, how come bears can crap in the woods and I can't? Lisa: The Bird Sanctuary! They ruined it! Homer: No they didn't! They just surrounded it with something wonderful. Like a raison covered in chocolate! Or a monkey in a cowboy suit! Parrot: Squaaak! Start your engines! Show us your boobs! Show us your boobs! Homer: Better do what he says, Marge! Lisa: That's very sweet, but we have a full day of hiking planned. Homer: We can hike any time! This is our chance to see cars driving! Ned: Hi-diddly-ho, peddle to the metal-o-philes! Homer: Flanders? Since when do you like anything cool? Ned: Well I don't care for the speed, but I can't get enough of that safety gear! Helmets, rollbars.. Maude: I like the fresh air! And looking at the poor people in the infield. Brandine: Dang! Cletus, why'd you have to park by my parents? Cletus: Now honey, it's my parents too! Dr. Hibbert: Hmm, a Ford urinating on a Chevrolett. Mrs. Hibbert: Don't you usually laugh at everything? Dr. Hibbert: Yes... yes I do. Homer: I NEED A SHIRT! GIMMIE A SHIRT! Ralph: Mommy has bozoms like that! Chief Wiggum: Yeah, I wish! Maude's Death Scene Marge: It's hard to believe we're never going to see Maude again! Homer: And poor Ned didn't get a chance to say goodbye. Well from now on I'm never going to let you leave the room without telling you how much I love you and how truly special.. this is eating up a lot of time. Maybe just a pat on the butt. Yeah that worked. Rev. Lovejoy: In many ways Maude Flanders was a supporting player in our lives. She didn't grab our attention with memorable catch phrases or comical accents! Willy: Aye! Captain: Yarr! Frink: Oh Glaven! Rev. Lovejoy: My friends, life is about change. Just yesterday Apu was a lonely bachelor. Apu: Yes thank god those days are over. Rev. Lovejoy: And the Van Houtens were enjoying a storybook marriage. Kirk: Yeah, lots of storybooks have witches! Pyro: Shut up, Kirk! Kirk: Sorry! Moe: Look Ned, I know we aint hung out much, what with your insane fear of drinking and me being banned from the church and all but eh, that Maude, she was really something. Ned: Oh, wasn't she. Thankyou Moe, I really appreciate that. Moe: I really mean it though, If it was you that died, I would have been on her so fast! Ned: What are you saying!? Moe: What, nothing, she was hot, what you can't take a compliment?
:ned punches him: Bart: Thanks guys, this really cheered me up! Todd: Can we play now? Bart: We are playing, we're a team! Rod/Todd: Yaaaay!
Ned: Homer, this really isn't necessary! Homer: Those feelings are normal Ned. That's part of the process.. watch the sprinkler! Ned: Hey! That's my sprinkler! Homer: It's natural to feel that way. But the sprinkler is gone, it's time to let go. Ned: I just bought that! Homer: I know, I know, it's never easy!
Ned: I can't believe my last words to Maude were "no foot longs"! Homer: Yep. It would have been a lot better if you said I love you or you're special. You know, something sweet instead of that hot dog crap.
Bart: Do you even have a job anymore? Homer: I think it's pretty obvious that I don't!
Chief Wiggum: Oh I would date Ned in a second if I was a woman or gay. He looks like a cuddler, that Ned. I like that. I like to be held, I like to be pampered.
Ned: Dinner was delicous, Edna. But I can't shake the feeling that you're just using me to get Principal Skinner jealous. Edna: Oh, please. I don't care what Mr. engaged to be engaged thinks. Hear that, Seymour? Skinner: Edna, this is childish. Edna: Fine, then hang up. Skinner: I will hang up when he leaves!
Homer: That's right Ned, those floozies we married in Vegas were crazy about you. Marge: What floozies, what are you talking about? Homer: Marge, we're trying to help Ned!
Todd: Daddy, get up, you'll be late for church! Ned: You boys can go with the Simpsons, I'm not going to church today. That's right. And I may not go to church tomorrow. No I'm not kidding. I'm gonna sit right here and miss church. You just watch!
-flash forwad, minutes later, in car-
Sorry sorry sorry sorry!
Song: [ Book About A Man - Shawn Colvin (Rachel) ]
Song: [ Variation of above, as played over the credits ]
