[ The school band plays 'Stars And Stripes Forever' ]
Lisa: Do you really think we can win playing "Stars and Stripes Forever?" It's so beginner band, and we're advanced beginner band. Ralph: This is band? Nelson: :singing: Ya ha ha, he he he, Little brown jug how I love thee! Mr. Largo: Oh! Stop with your devil music! Man: Folks, how often have you opened the morning paper only to have the rubber band fly off and hit you right in the eye? Marge: Never. But it's my number one concern. Turner: Be sure to stick around for the battle of the elementary school bands. Homer: Ohhh. Marge: Homer, Lisa's in that! Homer: I stand by my disappointed groan. Lisa: I can't believe those idiot judges were impressed by
glowing plastic tubes. Homer: Look Lisa! It glows. Ooooh! Marge: Let's forget about the band contest and just have fun at the state fair! Lisa: You mean state un-fair! Marge: Yeah, right. That's what I meant Lisa. State un-fair. Bart: Zing! Chief Wiggum: This is clearly a case of animal cruelty. Uh, do you have a permit for that? Barker: No problem, sir, it's in my car. :drives off: Marge: Should the Simpsons get a horse? Comic Book Guy: Excuse me, I believe this family already had a horse, and the expense forced Homer to work at the Kwik-E-Mart, with hilarious consequences. Homer: Anybody care what this guy thinks? Crowd: No! Homer: Cheer up, son. I thought you looked damn good out there. Oh, wait, you were number five? You, you stink! ... Damn good. Lisa: Mom, I think you might be developing a gambling problem. Comic Book Guy: Hey, I'm watching you. Nelson: Oh, man, that horse don't take no guff from nobody. Jimbo: Guff?! Nelson: I mean sh-- :he is beaten up by Jimbo & Keaney: Homer: Alright. We'll give it a shot! I'll deal with those murderous trolls! Bart: Huh? Homer: I mean.. I'll deal with those murderous trolls! Bill Clinton: Thank you, Lisa, for teaching kids everywhere a valuable lesson: If things don't go your way, just keep complaining until your dreams come true. Marge: That's a pretty lousy lesson. Bill Clinton: Hey, I'm a pretty lousy president.
Comic Book Guy: :over Gracie music: Worst Episode Ever!
