EABF10: C.E.D'oh!
SEASON FOURTEEN :: 32 Quotes
Homer: So kids, it's Valentines Day and you know what that means? You get to stay downstairs watching TV with the sound turned way up!
cedoh1.mp3
Lisa: What about you and mom?
Homer: Oh we'll be upstairs in the bedroom making love...ly rope ladders, in case there's a fire.
Bart: Oh, okay.
Homer: Children. So naive.
Bart: What?
Lisa: Who's naive?
Homer: I didn't say anything..... so naive.
cedoh2.mp3
Homer: Hey there, little red riding hood. I ate your granny, and now I'm in the mood for love.
cedoh3.mp3
Homer: But it's St. Valentines Day! God wants us to do it.
Marge: You're so cute when you're begging for sex. But I'm just too tired.
cedoh4.mp3
Homer: Well, my special mixed tape will get you going...
:inserts tape and a lullaby plays, while Marge falls asleep:
Oh no! That's Maggie's mixed tape. Then Maggie must have gotten...
:Tom Jones' Sex Bomb plays while Maggie dances in her bed:
cedoh5.mp3
Homer: Thank you outdoor advertising. You saved my marriage! And not for the first time.
cedoh6.mp3
Cletus: Well I's here to win back Brandine. She been making eyes at that photographer what come to document our squaller.
cedoh7.mp3
Dr. Hibbert: Homer, take this quarter, call your mother, and tell her you're never going to be a stripper!
Homer: Aren't you gonna chuckle?
Dr. Hibbert: There's nothing to chuckle about.
cedoh8.mp3
Teacher: You there! Yah, the greasy naked bald man.
Homer: You know everything about me!
Teacher: What would you say if I offered you the secret of true success?
Homer: Wipe me down and sign me up!
cedoh9.mp3
Teacher: Now life is hard. Am I right?
Everyone: :mixture of 'yes' responses:
Teacher: Wrong! Life is easy! You suck!
cedoh10.mp3
Teacher: I can read your minds! :to Barney: Oh.. ooh, I'm afraid of success. :to Comic Book Guy: It's pizza's fault I'm fat! :to Hans Moleman: Oh I'll stop sucking... later! C'mere. Gimme your hand, it's okay... :throws Hans out window:
cedoh11.mp3
Teacher: You see this watch? It's jammed with so many jewels, the hands can't move. What kind of watch do you have?
Homer: Uh, well I drew it on.
cedoh12.mp3
Teacher: Do you want to be the ultimate you!?
Homer: Yes!
Teacher: Do you want to yodel at the top of the corporate mountain?
Homer: Yes!
Teacher: Will you write me a check made out to cash?
Homer: God yes!
cedoh13.mp3
Homer: Tip One: Live each day like it was your last. :sobs: I don't want to die. I'm so young! :cries: Tip Two...
cedoh14.mp3
Homer: Tip Two: Let nothing stand in your way. :enters house: Listen up life obstacles! From now on, nothing's gonna stand in Homer Simpson's way! :to Bart: Do your homework! :to Lisa: Don't do so much homework! :to Maggie: Learn to talk! :to Marge: You, lets love, now!
Marge: Sounds good to me!
cedoh15.mp3
Lenny: I say Phantom Menace sucked more!
Carl: I say Attack Of The Clones sucked more!
cedoh16.mp3
Homer: And now see Mr. Burns for the promotion and raise I've deserved since this morning.
cedoh17.mp3
Homer: But the book said you'd applaud my initiative!
Mr. Burns: And what book is that? The ape who wanted a big bonus? Stop wasting my time you corn fed man-cow!
cedoh18.mp3
Homer: All my life I've had one dream. To achieve my many goals. Mr. Burns has never given me a thumbs up or a "way to be" or a "you go girl!"
cedoh19.mp3
Marge: Don't let it get you down. So Mr. Burns doesn't take you seriously. Big woop. Who gives a doodle, whoopie ding-dong-doo!
Homer: Thanks for trying, but I'll be at Moes.
Marge: So my husband goes to a bar every night. Whoop dee doo. Who gives a bibble. Gabba-gabba hey.
cedoh20.mp3
Homer: Revenge? On Mr. Burns?
Lenny: Mm. Send him magazine subscriptions he don't want!
Moe: Or give him some face time with sweet lady brick!
cedoh21.mp3
Homer: Heheh. Wait till he steps on this flaming bag of... Lisa's College Fund!?
cedoh22.mp3
Teacher: Don't you get it. If you get rid of that bird, Burns is at your mercy!
Homer: Get rid of a bird? No way! Their eyes are so expressive!
Teacher: Fool! You've learned absolutely nothing from my one hour class!
cedoh23.mp3
Marge: Well, If you don't know what path to take, you have to be very quiet, and listen to that little voice inside that tells you what to do...................
Bart: Do it dad! You could get a less crappy car!
Marge: Bart! You can hear us?
Bart: Oh yeah, from my room, I can hear everything.
Lisa: Me too, the walls are paper thin.
Flanders: And it wouldn't hurt you to put up some curtains.
cedoh24.mp3
Burns: Good lord! That canary was supposed to be my pidgeon! I need to find a patsy, quick!
Homer: Hello!
Burns: Yes, yes, hello. Now, I need to find a patsy.
Homer: Hello!
Burns: You're quite the friendly fellow but, right now, I'm looking for a patsy!
Homer: Hello!
Burns: You bumbling fool! I keep telling you I'm looking for a patsy!
Homer: Hello!
Burns: This moon-faced simpleton is continuously interrupting my search for a patsy, why do.... Hello!
Homer: Why are you looking at me like that.
cedoh25.mp3
Burns: Now a few more details about this year's company picnic. It's at the plant, no food will be served, the only activity will be work, and the picnic is cancelled.
cedoh26.mp3
Homer: Mr. Burns reign of terror is over! And today begins my reign of terrr..-iffic management!
Lenny: Man, I thought he was going to say terror!
Carl: I didn't think he was going that way.
cedoh27.mp3
Smithers: Do you know where I can buy some :whispers: drugs?
Man: Drugs!? Everything is drugs! Banana made of drugs, monkey made of drugs. Look. All market made of drugs.
Smithers: I'd like to buy this.
Man: Only American money. Our money is made of drugs.
cedoh28.mp3
Lady: Homer, I'll go over the year-end profit forecast if you'll stop looking at my boobs!
Homer: No deal.
cedoh29.mp3
Marge: Homey, I know you've got a lot of work to do. But this really isn't the same as eating dinner with your family!
Homer: :via internet: Look, there's nothing more important to me than you guys, I :connection scrambled: best quality porkchops!
Lisa: Dad, this just isn't working.
Homer: Lisa, I deeply rese --- with a big bowl of apple sauce!
cedoh30.mp3
Mr. Burns: Knock knock!
Homer: Mr. Burns! Where's Mr. Smithers?
Mr. Burns: He's doing eighty years on an opium bust. I never saw a man take to a Turkish prison so quickly.
cedoh31.mp3
Homer: What are you doing?
Mr. Burns: Scream all you like, no one will hear you!
Homer: I don't know why you're trying to steal the plant back. I don't even want it.
Mr. Burns: Oh, keep begging! You're just wasting precious oxygen! Brick by brick, I seal his doom! :evil laughs:
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