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1F08: $pringfield
SEASON FIVE :: 16 Quotes
Bum: Got any spare change, man?
Abe: Yes! And you ain't gettin' it. Everybody wants something for nothing.
[Abe walks into the social security building] I'm old: gimme gimme gimme!
casino1.mp3
Homer: The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.
Man: That's a _right_ triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!
casino2.mp3

Lisa: Dad, you shouldn't wear glasses that weren't prescribed for you.
Homer: [to Bart] Lisa, just because you're ten feet tall doesn't mean you can tell me what to do.
Bart: I'm Bart.
Lisa: Gimme those!
casino3.mp3
Kent: Now, at the risk of being unpopular, this reporter places the blame
squarely on you, the viewers!
casino4.mp3
Bart: Woo-hoo! Jackpot.
Kid: Wait a minute: are you over 21?
Bart: Are you?
Kid: I'm not authorized to answer that.
casino5.mp3
Blofeld: 20. Your move, Mr. Bond.
Bond: I'll take a hit, dealer. [Homer gives him a card] Joker! You were supposed to take those out of the deck.
Homer: Oh, sorry. Here's another one.
Bond: What is this card? "Rules for Draw and Stud Poker"?
Blofeld: What a pity, Mr. Bond.
Bond: But...but it's Homer's fault! I didn't lose. I never lose!
casino6.mp3

Barney: Marge you gotta watch out. Your little boy Bart coulda been eaten by that pony.
casino7.mp3
Krusty: I don't want to hit a sore spot, but can we talk about herpes? Herpes herpes, bo-berpes, banana, fana fo-ferpes -- her-pes. Ow! Hey: that spot on Gorbachev's head -- herpes, trust me! Anybody here have herpes? Huh? Huh? [No one answers] You people are the worst audience I've ever seen.
Man: You're the worst comedian we've ever seen!
Krusty: Oh, great! Well, we'll just sit here silently for the next
ninety minutes.
Man: Fine with us.
casino8.mp3
Lisa: There's nothing to eat for breakfast.
Homer: You gotta improvise, Lisa: cloves, Tom Collins mix, frozen pie crust
Lisa: Maybe mom just doesn't realize we missed her. We could go down to the casino and let her know...
Homer: Oh, come on, Lisa, there's no reason to -- [takes a bite] -- let's go see Mom.
casino9.mp3
Lisa: Well, I know it's absurd, but I dreamed the bogeyman was after me, and he's hiding under --
Homer: Aaaah! Bogeyman! You nail the windows shut, I'll get the gun! Bart, I don't wanna alarm you but there may be a boogeyman or boogeymen in the house!
Bart: AAAAAAAH!
Marge: What happened here?
Homer: Oh nothing Marge just a little incident involving the Boogeyman!
casino10.mp3
Goulet: Are you sure this is the casino? I think I should call my manager.
Nelson: Your manager says for you to shut up!
Goulet: Vera said that? Hmph.
casino11.mp3
Homer: Oh, it's always something isn't it? First I have to drive your pregnant mother to the hospital so she can give birth to you. And now this.
casino12.mp3
Burns: We'll take the Spruce Moose. Hop in!
Smithers: But, sir --
Burns: [pointing a gun] I said, hop in.
casino13.mp3
Homer: You made her cry. Then I cried. Then Maggie laughed -- she's such a little trooper.
casino14.mp3
Goulet: Jingle Bells, Batman Smells Robin laid an egg. Batmobile lost its wheel, The Joker got away, hey! Thank you, thank you very much. [hits Milhouse in the face with the microphone] Oh, I'm sorry, kid...
casino15.mp3
Ralph: I'm Idaho!
casino16.mp3

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better than you
obscure reindeer reference that only i still get
picks tribute
don't mind if i do!
the springfield connection
it's a hell of a town!
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