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9F04: Treehouse Of Horror III
SEASON FOUR :: 18 Quotes
Homer: I've been asked to tell you that the following show is very scary, with stuff that might give your kids nightmares. You see, there are some *crybabies* out there, religious types mostly, who might be offended. If you are one of them, I advise you to turn off your set now. Come on I dare you. Chicken!
Marge: Homer, did you just call everyone chicken?
Homer: No. I swear on this Bible!
Marge: That's not a Bible; that's a book of carpet samples!
Homer: Ooooh... Fuzzy.
Marge: These are her eyes.
Everyone: EEEEEW.
Marge: And this is her hair.
Everyone: EEEEEW
Marge: And these are her brain!
Bart: Yo mom we haven't got the eyeballs yet.
Marge: Homer you're ruining it!

Lisa: It's a story of a boy and his doll.
That's not so scary.
Lisa: A doll... From *Hell*!
Homer: I'm gonna go to the store...
Owner: Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse!
Homer: [worried] Ooooh, that's bad.
Owner: But it comes with a free Frogurt!
Homer: [relieved] That's good.
Owner: The Frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: [worried] That's bad.
Owner: But you get your choice of topping!
Homer: [relieved] That's good.
Owner: The toppings contains Potassium Benzoate.
Homer: [stares]
Owner: That's bad.
Abe: That doll is *Evil*, I tells ya. Evil! Eeeeeeviillll!!!
Marge: Grandpa, you said that about all the presents.
Abe: I just want attention.
Homer: My baloney has a first name, it's H-O-M-E-R. My baloney has a second name, it's H-O-M-E-R...

Patty: There goes the last lingering thread of my heterosexuality.
Homer: The doll's trying to kill me and the toaster's been laughing at me.
Homer: So then his wife comes through the door!
Bart: So?
Homer: Did I mention that she was dead?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Well, she was. Aaaand she hit him in the head with a *golf-club*!
Bart: And?
Homer: Don't you remember? He went golfing all the time and it really bugged her.
Lisa: You said he went bowling!
Smithers: I think women and sea men don't mix.
Carl: Hey, I heard we're goin' to Ape Island.
Lenny: Yeah, to capture a giant ape. I wished we were going to Candy Apple Island.
Charlie: Candy Apple Island? What do they got there?
Carl: Apes. But they're not so big.
Burns: Of course. We wouldn't think of going without the bait-- uhh, that
is, the bait-thing beauty. The bathing beauty!
Bart: Nice try, Mr. Flanders. But I've got a story so scary you'll wet your pants!
Abe: Too late.
Bart: From A-Apple to Z-Zebra, Baby's First Pop-up book is 26 pages of alphabetic adventure!
Edna: Bart, you mean to tell me you read a book intended for preschoolers?
Bart: Well, most of it.
Lisa: Dad, we did something very bad!
Homer: Did you wreck the car?
Bart: No!
Homer: Did you raise the dead?
Lisa: Yes!
Homer: But the car's okay?
Kids: Uh-huh.
Homer: All right then.
Homer: To the book depository!

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