GABF13: A Star Is Torn
SEASON SIXTEEN :: 20 Quotes
Apu: Call the police
Homer: I need change for a dollar.
Apu: No change without purchase.
Homer: What's the cheapest thing you've got.
Apu: A two ounce pack of chips. $5.99.
Homer: $5.99, what a ripoff! Someone should shoot you.
Bart: I feel like something crawled inside me and took a crap.
Marge: Bart, don't use that word I-- oh crap!
Homer: Lisa sings so sweetly and Bart is my pillow. Everyone's good for something.
Krusty: You were born to enter Krusty's Lil' Starmaker Singing Competition.
Announcer: Not affiliated with American Idol we've never even heard of American Idol.
Krusty: So enter today especially if you're a funny looking kid who doesn't know he sucks!
Milhouse: I'm coming Krusty!
Ralph: A B C D E F G. How I wonder what you are! Thankyou!
Krusty: I may not know much, but I do know talent when my producers point it out to me.
Milhouse: When a man loves a woman!
Lenny: Which one are you the man or the woman?
Carl: Questioning the kid's sexuality. Well done!
I'M TALKIN' SPRINGFIELD
Lisa: I've been to Paris and London and Tokyo town, but one crazy burg has them all beat hands down!
Lisa: I'm talkin' Springfield - you can buy chimichangas
Talkin' Springfield - the chicks have big gazongas?
There's tires on fire, a guy named Apu
And Skinner, and Grampa, and old Disco Stu
Did I forget to mention you?
Lenny: You!? That's me!
Lisa: I'm talkin' Springfield, where nobody sucks... except for Flanders
Homer: You did it, sweetie!
Lisa: No we did it, dad!
Homer: She's right it was all me.
Homer: You and I are gonna write and sing our way out of this god forsaken hellhole.
Marge: But your song said you liked Springfield.
Homer: I wrote it about Shelbyville then changed the names.
MY KITTY DIED
Lisa: My kitty died on Christmas Eve
Daddy told me to be brave
But instead of singing carols,
I was digging Snowball's grave
Lenny: Oh god I miss Lisa's cat so much!
Krusty: Every week we eliminate one contestant based on the votes cast by you, the audience.
Announcer: Disclaimer: All ballots were lost and all votes were just made up.
Homer: Oh, you love sausage but you hate to see it getting made.
Lisa: I don't love sausage.
Homer: Then would you like to see it getting made?
Lisa: No-one asked you to yell and flash!
Homer: IT'S CALLED SCHMOOTZING.
Marge: Bart do you wanna go to the video arcade?
Bart: Hell I'll even go shoe shopping.
Homer: I'm not Mr. Simpson. That ship has sailed. I'm colonel cool! And I'm the captain on this rocket to the stars.
Bart: So are you a Colonel or a Captain.
Homer: Neither, I'm both.
Lisa: Dad I don't want things to be awful between us! I made you some cookies!
Homer: I don't think cookies are gonna make me feel better. Oh oh oh god. Oh they're delicious. Oh so happy! oh god they're s-- They're gone!
ALWAYS MY DAD
Lisa: I'm in the final two - I should be happy
But all I want to do is spend more time with my pappy
Now that you're gone, Dad, I miss you so much
And your threats against Teamsters and techies and such
Your management style is like Atilla the Hun
You were vicious, malicious, but you got the job done
I'm sorry I hurt you, but please don't be sad
You're no longer my coach, but you're always my dad
Homer: He's about to learn the most important lesson in the music business. Don't trust people in the music business.
I'm a privileged boy
It's great, I gotta tell ya
My dad can buy and sell ya
It really doesn't matter
That you're on the list in front of me
I'm gonna get your table
'Cause I always tip the maitre d'
And then I'll go to Yale
Because I am a legacy
I'm better than you