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EABF22: The Regina Monologues
SEASON FIFTEEN :: 31 Quotes
Burns: Hehehe, money is for the poor!
Smithers: Why don't you use your ATM card?
Burns: Ah yes the Automated Teller Machineyolatrolamaton!
regina1.mp3
Burns: Smithers, what's my password?
Smithers: It's your age, sir.
Burns: Excellent! :four beeps are heard:
regina2.mp3

Bart: There's a ladybug in your hair..
Milhouse: Get it out! Get it out!
Bart: Got it!
Milhouse: You're a good friend, Bart
Bart: The best you'll ever have.
regina3.mp3
Homer: Can you describe the bill?
Moe: Descri-- sure, of course.
Bart: Whose picture's on it?
Moe: Uh, it'd have to be someone famous. I'm gonna say.. Hitler.
regina4.mp3
Snake: Um, does the bill have bank teller blood on it?
Lisa: No! It doesn't.
Snake: I'm sorry I wasted your time.
regina5.mp3
Bart: What am I gonna do with a thousand dollars?
--
Song: It's Bart's moon party from outer space, with R2-D2 playing the bass.
--
Bart: Hmm, nobody's touching the Hors D'oveurs
Homer: It's Bart's moon party from outer space w... what?
regina6.mp3
Dr. Hibbert: What do I get if I join the museum as a friend of Bart?
Marge: A subscription to Bartform magazine, and Bart will say "eat my shorts" on your home answering machine.
Moe: How much to have Bart crank call me? Oh that would be hilarious.
regina7.mp3
Abe: I'll never forget you, Edwina..
--
Abe: But I did! Until just now!
regina8.mp3
Tony Blair: Hello, welcome to the United Kingdom.
Lisa: Prime minister Tony Blair?
Bart: Why are you greeting lowlifes like us at the airport?
Tony: Because I want to encourage all the world to come see the beauty of 21st Century Britain.
Homer: Would an American dollar encourage you to leave us alone?
Tony: No :grabs it: But thankyou.
Marge: Tony, I mean, Mr. Prime Minister, what should we see first.
Tony: There's so much to see here. Parliament. Statford on Avon, White Cliffs of Dover. Oh and you Americans love castles, there's a huge one in Edinburgh, the city where I was born.
Homer: The place I was born is now a gator farm.
Tony: Smashing.
Lisa: Maybe you could give us a personal tour of your country?
Tony: I'd love to. But I'm late for an appointment. I'm greeting a lovely Dutch couple at gate 23. Cheerio
Homer: Wow, I can't believe we met Mr. Bean.
regina9.mp3
Marge: England is so classy. Every cab has it's own butler!
Englishman: Actually I'm not a butler, I had already hired this cab when you got in, but, the more the merrier and all that!
Homer: Make with the tea, Jeeves.
Englishman: Yes, very good, sir.
regina10.mp3
Abe: Did you spend an unforgettable night with a soldier from the U.S. Army in 1944? You did! Was he from the first inventory division? He was! And was he a gentle caring lover? He was? Sorry I bothered you.
regina11.mp3
Homer: Aw dad, I wish there was something I could do.... touch that mini bar and you're dead!
regina12.mp3
Lisa: Look, it's J.K. Rowling, author of Harry Potter books. You've turned a generation of kids onto reading.
J.K. Rowling: Thankyou young muggle.
Lisa: Can you tell me what happens at the end of the series?
J.K. Rowling: He grows up and marries you. Is that what you want to hear?
Lisa: Yes!
regina13.mp3
British Pimple Kid: Welcome to Judy Dench's Fish And Chips. Now completely free of Mad Fish disease.
Homer: Fish? I don't know, I'm not really a vegetarian.
British Kid: Please order or Ms. Dench will be furious. She'll beat us she will!
Judy Dench: Who are you talking to?
British Kid: No one, mum, I swear!
Judy Dench: I'll mum you!
British Kid: Oh blimey!
regina14.mp3

Homer: Well Marge, you gotta admit, I've been on my best behaviour this trip.
Marge: You punched out three people on the street.
Homer: That was over soccer results. Can you believe they gave Digs a yellow card in the box?
Marge: Do you understand any part of what you just said?
Homer: I understand the word 'gave' unless it means something else in this country.
regina15.mp3

British Man 1: Surely they could never be taught proper manners.
British Man 2: One gold sovereign says I could do just that.
British Man 1: Oh, it's a bet, Lord Daft Wager.
Homer: You can't bet on my kids. This is America, pal!
British Man 2: Don't worry, we'll find more wagers.
British Man 1: I love you, Lord Daft Wager.
British Man 2: Yes, and I you. :the pair kiss: Mmyees, quite.
regina16.mp3

Ian McKellen: We believe it's bad luck to mention the name of this particular play out loud.
Homer: You mean MacBeth? :car splashes water onto Ian:
Ian: Quiet you blundering fool! You'll curse us all!
Homer: What, by saying MacBeth? :anvil falls on Ian's foot:
Ian: Stop saying it!
Homer: Saying what?
Ian: MacBeth! Uh! Now I've said it :Ian gets struck by lightning:
Bart: Oh, this is cool. MacBeth, MacBeth, MacBeth. :lightning strikes:
Marge: Bart! Stop saying MacBeth! :lightning strikes:
Lisa: Mom, you said MacBeth! :lightning strikes:
Homer: Mr. MacBeth, I'm so sorry! :lightning strikes:
Ian: That's quite alright, you didn't know. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a performance to give.
Bart: Good luck!
Ian: It's bad luck to say that too! :MacBeth sign falls on Ian's head:
regina17.mp3

Homer: We Americans love queens, be they Homecoming or Dairy. This woman, however, is an imposter! Her luggage is inscribed H.R.H. Which means her name must be... Henryetta R. Hippo!
regina18.mp3

Lisa: Why did you let him be his own barrister?
Marge: What difference could it make? He hit the friggin' queen!
regina19.mp3

Homer: Your honor, I've completely disappointed my wife, that's punishment enough. You understand these things, you're a grandmother.
Judge: I'm a man!
Homer: Oh, and a very manly one if I may say so.
regina20.mp3

Englishman: Look at his great staring eyes!
English Child: Like saucers they are they are!
Bart: He claimed he was me father, he did!
Marge: Bart, you're not helping!
Bart: Poke the monster with a stick! Toppins a jab. Come on, queue up lads!
regina21.mp3

Homer: Oh Marge, I'm so sorry. I should have listened to whatever it was you were saying.
regina22.mp3

Homer: Well Marge, if I die here, there's one thing I want you to remember. Don't buy any videotapes in England. They wont work in out VCR.
regina23.mp3

Homer: Dear god of England. Please let me go. In return I will spell color with a 'u' and I will use the metric system with every cubic millilitre in my.. oh I can't do it, it's so stupid!
regina24.mp3


Homer: Okay, what do i do?
Lisa: Push the grey brick in the back of the fireplace!
Homer: Sweet freedom, here I owwwwwwwwwwwww!
Lisa: Put out the fire first!
regina25.mp3

Homer: It's a good thing I'm leaving before I went nuts. Goodbye sparkly elves!
Elves: Goodbye!
regina26.mp3

Lisa: We've made a terrible mistake! This tunnel comes out in the worst possible place!
Bart: An elephants butt?
Lisa: Yes, Bart, an elephants butt.
regina27.mp3

Homer: I know we don't call as often as we should and we aren't as well behaved as our goodie two-shoes brother Canada. Who by the way has never had a girlfriend. I'm just saying.
regina28.mp3

Marge: That was very sweet of the queen! Letting you go on exchange for taking Madonna back to America.
Madonna: Oim telling yew! Oim English!
Marge: English women don't pump gas naked!
regina29.mp3

Abe: Sorry I never saw you again. I just felt the cultural differences between us were too great. Plus as the boat pulled away from the dock I thought you looked fat.
regina30.mp3

Abby: Mmmm.. Bacon. Uuuughghh!
Edwina: Abe, this is my daughter, Abby! She's 58 this month.
Abe: 58? Well, 59 years ago your mother and I were have... oh.. gotta go, see you in heaven. :runs in terror:
Abby: Mummy, he's everything you said he was!
Homer: Lady, you're gorgeous. You make Dame Edna look like a dude.
Abby: Why thankyou. You're alright, love!
regina31.mp3

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