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EABF20: The President Wore Pearls
Marge: I really shouldn't be here. I have a problem with games of chance. I played CandyLane with Maggie and ended up throwing vodka in her face.
Drederick Tatum: Welcome to Springfield Elementary Casino Night. My fee for this evening goes to the victims of my criminal recidivisms, so relax, have fun and please god, don't piss me off.

Skinner: Congratulations Mr. Student Body President your casino night was a huge success.
Martin: Thanks Principal Skinner, I got the idea from an episode of Saved By The Bell.
Skinner: That was always on too late for me.
Homer: I'll put everything on lucky 17. D'oh d'oh d'oh d'oh d'oh d'oh d'oh woohoo! D'oh d'oh d'oh d'oh d'oh d'oh d'oh woohoo! D'oh d'oh d'oh d'oh d'oh d'oh d'oooooh.... woohoo!
Homer: I win! This is it, baby. First thing tomorrow we're getting a Playstation One.
Martin: Sir, this casino is for charity. These chips are only redeemable in Cafeteria scrip, or a day at the ball park with Groundskeeper Willie.
Willie: I'll be bringing spark plugs to chuck at people I don't like. Like You!
Skinner: Well, this was a disaster.
Martin: I should have known. The same thing happened on Saved By The Bell.
Thugs: We're from Acme Amusement Rental. We're looking for Principal Skinner.
Skinner: Uh, yes, we all are. Oooooh.
Lisa: Uh. I can't beat Nelson!
Homer: Why don't you start a rumor that he's... ding a ling a ling! Helloooo! What a delicious quiche! I drive a pink Miata!
Lisa: I can't believe Nelson is more popular than me.
Homer: La la laa la la la laa la
Marge: Honey you can be popular you've just gotta be yourself. In a whole new way.
Homer: My name is Nelthon! I use a thalad fork, la di da! I wash my face!
Marge: Where did you get that tutu?
Homer: Clothesline. Hee hee hee!
Lisa: We deserve a French teacher who actually speaks French! :speaks French:
French Teacher: What's she yacking about?
Song: Don't Vote For Me, Kids Of Springfield
I'm not that cool, I don't wear jeans,
I've polished an apple or two.
But every grit that I grubbed, I grubbed it for you.
So call me bookworm, but I'll never squirm when there's work to be done
Yes I'll take my lunch at my desk, while you're all outside having fun.
Don't vote for me, kids of Springfield,
Unless you want an effective leader,
I'll talk to teachers, I'll handle Skinner,
A vote for Lisa makes you the winner!
Everyone: Vote Lisa! Vote Lisa! Vote Lisa!
Nelson: Hey, I've got a song too! I am Iron Man... doo doo doo doo doo vote for me! Ah, screw it.
Chalmers: Hey, maybe that escaped mental patient you hired has some sort of toxin in his shack. Yes, hello Willie.
Nelson: So, when's my inauguration?
Chalmers: Uh, lets see, when Hell freezes over, tough guy!
Song: I Am Their Queen
You wanted to see me?
Actually Lisa, I wanted you to see you! You're our president now, but you look like the first lady of yawn.
Lisa: Well what would you change?
Chorus: Eyes, pearls, smile, hairpoints, dress, voice, shoes, Swatch watch!
Lisa: I may be a new girl, But you can't brainwash me
Just Oshkosh B'Gosh me, And then leave me be
To fight for kid power, I must be heard, not seen
I have to lead wisely, Not just primp and preen!
Chorus: Nails, dimples, ears, scrunchie, pearls, lunchbox, teeth, Milhouse!
Lisa: This beauting-up suits me, There's beauty within me
So let's Olsen Twins me, Give them something to love
This grownup makeover, Has made me a super-tween
For they are my people, And I am their queen!

Homer: I wish I married a businessman. Then I'd have nice things.

Milhouse: The teachers lounge! Is it true they make fun of students in there.
Lisa: Oh don't be silly!
Willie: Look at me! I'm Milhouse, I tuck my shirt into me underpants. I've got no friends, so I confide in Willie!

Lisa: We need to get teachers more involved. Have them meet with struggling kids in the morning before school.
Mr. Largo: Fine, I'll come in early to meet with students. And I'll have hypnotherapy WHEN!?

Lisa: Or we could hand out teachers home phone numbers so kids can call them whenever they have questions.
Chalmers: I've got a question! You're crazy!

Lisa: And then as School president I don't have to take the hearing test!
Marge: I'm so proud of you, Lisa!
Lisa: What?

Lisa: I am going to be the best school president ever!
Bart: Bravo Lisa, Bravo.
Marge: Oh, isn't that sweet. Even your brother's adding his kudos!
Bart: I was being sarcastic!
Marge: You were?
Bart: No, I was being sincere!
Homer: Oh, i'm so confused!

Song: Evil Plan
I'm so happy with my evil plan, say goodbye to music, gym, and art! Soon we will have the perfect school, where fun and excitement never start.
Willie: I'm so drunk I can barely see. But it helps me get through another day. My stomach is filled with haggis and hahn, I've gotta go puke in some hay.
Bart: Lisa is a fool!
Skinner: I think the rules are cool.
Willie: I've fallen in the pool!

Milhouse: And to think I was going to ask you to the dance!
Lisa: I would have gone with you..
Milhouse: Well, you still can!
Lisa: Well I dont feel like it now.
Milhouse: Awww! That's cool. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Database: Aaah they're taking away the art room.
Willie: I'll be cookin' my Lean Cuisine in your kiln tonight! Aaaahahahah!

What have I done?
Bart: What they wanted you to.
Lisa: Skinner betrayed me!
Bart: But a tango takes two!

Ralph: Lisa is a sell-out! Lisa is a sell-out! Lisa, what's a sell-out?

Homer: Lisa you've got to stand up to these guys. And when you do, people will remember you. Just look at these postage stamps. There's Bugs Bunny, Fat Elvis, Autumn in New England, Bats of the South West. Wanna see Elvis kiss a bat?

Skinner: I had to do what I did, out budget is stretched tighter than mother's sauna pants.
Agnes: Seymour! Quit using me in analagies.

Lisa: Principal Skinner, I will not call off this strike until you bring back music and art!
Skinner: What about gym?
Lisa: Meh..

Skinner: :after a student protest chant: Why didn't I cancel sign making and creative chanting?

Lisa: Chief Wiggum we're just like you policemen. Don't you ever feel like the mayor doesn't care about you?
Wiggum: You mean the mayor who kept me waiting for two hours at that restaraunt. I ate so much bread! Sit down, boys! We're joining this strike.
Lou: Uh, chief are you sure the mayor wasn't at a different restaraunt than you?
Wiggum: Well I can't take that rattlesnake out of his mailbox now, can I?
Eddie: Yes chief, you could.
Wiggum: Well let me ask you this. Shut up.

Michael Moore: Kids who don't get to take music and art are ten percent more likely to become chronically unemployed and appear in one of my movies.
Kent: Where did you get that statistic?
Moore: Your mother!

Bart: Lisa is a nut, she has a rubber butt, every time she turns around it goes putt putt!
Kent: Indeed, but that rubber butt doesn't have much time for turning around these days, it's pointed squarely in the face of the administration.

Willie: Back in Edenborough, we had a coal strike. All we wanted were hats with a wee light on top. Then one day the mine collapsed. No one made it out alive, not even Willie!

Song: Don't Cry For Me Kids Of Springfield
Poor Lisa, Poor Lisa, Poor Lisa!
Lisa: Don't cry for me kids of Springfield,
You can still reach me through email,
at smartgirl 6 3, underscore backslash,
at yahoo dot com, at yahoo dot com!

Homer: I'm not driving 45 minutes a day, you can't go to that school.
Lisa: But this is my dream!
Homer: Oh, why can't you have a normal dream like being an Olympic figure skater?
Lisa: Okay, let me take figure skating!
Homer: Are you crazy? I'm not getting up at 6:30 every morning so you can prance around a frozen pond and think you're better than me.
Lisa: Well what can I be?
Homer: I dunno, how about a horse whisperer?
Lisa: Okay!
Homer: Over my dead body!

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