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EABF16: Bart Of War
Announcer: Next on Comedy Central an all new South Park!
Milhouse: I hear those kids voices are done by grown-ups!
Bart: Hey there's nothing wrong with that. I just wonder how they keep it so fresh after 43 episodes.
Marge: We're going to watch a show about the everyday problems of angels.
Announcer: Now, back to 'Good Heavens'
Lady: Jesus called today..
Lady 2: He did!?

Bart: Lets tie string around a fly.
Milhouse: Cool. Do you think bugs feel pain.
Bart: If they don't I've wasted a lot of my life.
Milhouse: My eye-glass repair kit!
Bart: Let it go!
Bart: Well whaddya know, cats eat flies.
Milhouse: Sometimes I wish a cat would eat me.
Milhouse: Wow! Lets go nuts! :plays with lamp: Bright, brighter, brightest, off! Bright, brighter, brightest, off!
Todd: Daddy I'm scared!
Ned: Scared of what? All the funny camp songs we're gonna sing? We'll be safe inside our fortress when they come. We'll be safe from creeps and killers when they come. Unless they have a blowtorch or a poison gas injector then I don't know what will happen when they come.
Chief Wiggum: We don't want to hurt you. We just want to talk.
Lou: Well if you just wanna talk, why don't we talk about Eddie sleeping with my ex-wife.
Chief Wiggum: I thought the divorce was final.
Lou: When is a divorce ever final?
Chief Wiggum: Well well well, looks like a couple of punks are gonna be taking the last train to Clarksville.
Lou: That was the monkees, chief.
Chief Wiggum: Go wait in the car.
Bart: Please don't call our parents.
Chief Wiggum: I'm afraid I have to for hijinks like these. Hehe. Hijinks. Funny word. Three dotted letters in a row.
Eddie: Is it hyphenated?
Chief Wiggum: It used to be. Back in the bad old days. Of course every generation hyphenates the way it wants to. Then there's N'Sync. Heh. What the hell is that. Jump in any time, Eddie, these are good topics.
Homer: Look at me, I'm Brian Epstein. Now I'm Michael Jackson. I own all your songs, losers. Hee hee hee.
Homer: I am Homer tribal chief, I am wearing tiny briefs. Braves teach values boys should know, now extended drum solo.
Homer: I will now give each of you yourspecially selected tribal names. Pick one.
Nelson: I am burger with fries. Man is that uninspired.
Marge: I'm gonna make sure you boys have the best possible Pre Teen Brave experience.
Homer: Well I was chosen by the great spirit to teach these young braves the ways of the antelope and the ear of corn, which we call maize. That's a pa--poos---to... ah I'll be at Moe's talking normal.

Nelson: If my old man sees me in these he'll kill me!
Bart: You haven't seen your dad in years.
Nelson: Hey, today might be the day
Voice: Nellllson...
Nelson: Papa!? Is that you? You came back from the store.
Bart: Who's he talking to?
Let's admire Nelson's love of nature!
Nelson: Papa! Papa! Never leave me again!

Lisa: I'm so proud of what you guys are doing, I even tipped off the local paper.
Reporter: Yeah, she sure did. And I've already got the perfect headline. "Activity participated in by some".

Marge: Lets go boys. Make sure you use Pinesol on those pine trees for that pine fresh smell!
Nelson: Papa!?
Marge: Oh for god sakes I can see why he left.

Ralph: Will you be my mommy? :Dog Growls: You smell like dead bunnies!

Marge: Those Calvary Kids are bigger credit hogs than the red cross.
Apu: I must disagree Mrs. Bart. They've painted this town with a fresh coat of give a hoot.

Tatum: Hello I'm heavyweight champ Drederick Tatum. Here to issue a challenge to the youth groups of Springfield. Whichever one of you sells the most candy will be honorary bad boys at the next isotopes home game. Proceeds will go towards keeping people like me off streets. I can't help myself. Punch and grope, punch and grope, it's all I was taught.

Ralph: I'm a brick!

Homer: Marge you were an excellent peace-time chief. But peace times call for men of cruelty. :puts on Indian hat: Oh it's too tight! Take it off, take it off! Men of cruelty!

Milhouse: Mr. Leonard, Mr Carlson? Would you like to buy some candy bars for charity?
Carl: Sure we were just gonna buy the same candy inside the store for less.
Lenny: Oh man that went south quick, I gotta find a bathroom.

Bart: Get your unpoisoned candy.
Homer: It's laxative free for today's lifestyle.
Nelson: Melts in your mouth, not in your pants.

Homer: Wait a minute, how could those stupid jarheads win?
Lisa: Who'd want candy filled with laxatives?
Abe: Holy moly I'm moving like Ginger Rogers.

Homer: Where does it say we have to be gracious in defeat?
Bart: It's on the back of our vests.
Homer: Marge, remove that stitching!

Song: The Pre-Teen Braves sing a Star Spangled Banner parody.

Willie: Oh, Lassie. dry your tears.
Otto: And show us your boobs.
Moe: Ow! OW! God help me!
Tatum: Hey why are we fighting?
Moe: I aint doing any fighting!

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newz you can uze
we're allowed to have one. hur-hyuck
better than you
obscure reindeer reference that only i still get
picks tribute
don't mind if i do!
the springfield connection
it's a hell of a town!
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