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EABF16: Bart Of War
SEASON FOURTEEN :: 28 Quotes
Announcer: Next on Comedy Central an all new South Park!
Milhouse: I hear those kids voices are done by grown-ups!
Bart: Hey there's nothing wrong with that. I just wonder how they keep it so fresh after 43 episodes.
bartofwar1.mp3
Marge: We're going to watch a show about the everyday problems of angels.
Announcer: Now, back to 'Good Heavens'
Lady: Jesus called today..
Lady 2: He did!?
bartofwar2.mp3

Bart: Lets tie string around a fly.
Milhouse: Cool. Do you think bugs feel pain.
Bart: If they don't I've wasted a lot of my life.
bartofwar3.mp3
Milhouse: My eye-glass repair kit!
Bart: Let it go!
bartofwar4.mp3
Bart: Well whaddya know, cats eat flies.
Milhouse: Sometimes I wish a cat would eat me.
bartofwar5.mp3
Milhouse: Wow! Lets go nuts! :plays with lamp: Bright, brighter, brightest, off! Bright, brighter, brightest, off!
bartofwar6.mp3
Todd: Daddy I'm scared!
Ned: Scared of what? All the funny camp songs we're gonna sing? We'll be safe inside our fortress when they come. We'll be safe from creeps and killers when they come. Unless they have a blowtorch or a poison gas injector then I don't know what will happen when they come.
bartofwar7.mp3
Chief Wiggum: We don't want to hurt you. We just want to talk.
Lou: Well if you just wanna talk, why don't we talk about Eddie sleeping with my ex-wife.
Chief Wiggum: I thought the divorce was final.
Lou: When is a divorce ever final?
bartofwar8.mp3
Chief Wiggum: Well well well, looks like a couple of punks are gonna be taking the last train to Clarksville.
Lou: That was the monkees, chief.
Chief Wiggum: Go wait in the car.
bartofwar9.mp3
Bart: Please don't call our parents.
Chief Wiggum: I'm afraid I have to for hijinks like these. Hehe. Hijinks. Funny word. Three dotted letters in a row.
Eddie: Is it hyphenated?
Chief Wiggum: It used to be. Back in the bad old days. Of course every generation hyphenates the way it wants to. Then there's N'Sync. Heh. What the hell is that. Jump in any time, Eddie, these are good topics.
bartofwar10.mp3
Homer: Look at me, I'm Brian Epstein. Now I'm Michael Jackson. I own all your songs, losers. Hee hee hee.
bartofwar11.mp3
Homer: I am Homer tribal chief, I am wearing tiny briefs. Braves teach values boys should know, now extended drum solo.
bartofwar12.mp3
Homer: I will now give each of you yourspecially selected tribal names. Pick one.
Nelson: I am burger with fries. Man is that uninspired.
bartofwar13.mp3
Marge: I'm gonna make sure you boys have the best possible Pre Teen Brave experience.
Homer: Well I was chosen by the great spirit to teach these young braves the ways of the antelope and the ear of corn, which we call maize. That's a pa--poos---to... ah I'll be at Moe's talking normal.
bartofwar14.mp3

Nelson: If my old man sees me in these he'll kill me!
Bart: You haven't seen your dad in years.
Nelson: Hey, today might be the day
Voice: Nellllson...
Nelson: Papa!? Is that you? You came back from the store.
Bart: Who's he talking to?
Marge:
Let's admire Nelson's love of nature!
Nelson: Papa! Papa! Never leave me again!
bartofwar15.mp3

Lisa: I'm so proud of what you guys are doing, I even tipped off the local paper.
Reporter: Yeah, she sure did. And I've already got the perfect headline. "Activity participated in by some".
bartofwar16.mp3

Marge: Lets go boys. Make sure you use Pinesol on those pine trees for that pine fresh smell!
Nelson: Papa!?
Marge: Oh for god sakes I can see why he left.
bartofwar17.mp3

Ralph: Will you be my mommy? :Dog Growls: You smell like dead bunnies!
bartofwar18.mp3

Marge: Those Calvary Kids are bigger credit hogs than the red cross.
Apu: I must disagree Mrs. Bart. They've painted this town with a fresh coat of give a hoot.
bartofwar19.mp3

Tatum: Hello I'm heavyweight champ Drederick Tatum. Here to issue a challenge to the youth groups of Springfield. Whichever one of you sells the most candy will be honorary bad boys at the next isotopes home game. Proceeds will go towards keeping people like me off streets. I can't help myself. Punch and grope, punch and grope, it's all I was taught.
bartofwar20.mp3

Ralph: I'm a brick!
bartofwar21.mp3

Homer: Marge you were an excellent peace-time chief. But peace times call for men of cruelty. :puts on Indian hat: Oh it's too tight! Take it off, take it off! Men of cruelty!
bartofwar22.mp3

Milhouse: Mr. Leonard, Mr Carlson? Would you like to buy some candy bars for charity?
Carl: Sure we were just gonna buy the same candy inside the store for less.
Lenny: Oh man that went south quick, I gotta find a bathroom.
bartofwar23.mp3

Bart: Get your unpoisoned candy.
Homer: It's laxative free for today's lifestyle.
Nelson: Melts in your mouth, not in your pants.
bartofwar24.mp3


Homer: Wait a minute, how could those stupid jarheads win?
Lisa: Who'd want candy filled with laxatives?
Abe: Holy moly I'm moving like Ginger Rogers.
bartofwar25.mp3

Homer: Where does it say we have to be gracious in defeat?
Bart: It's on the back of our vests.
Homer: Marge, remove that stitching!
bartofwar26.mp3

Song: The Pre-Teen Braves sing a Star Spangled Banner parody.
bartofwar27.mp3

Willie: Oh, Lassie. dry your tears.
Otto: And show us your boobs.
Moe: Ow! OW! God help me!
Tatum: Hey why are we fighting?
Moe: I aint doing any fighting!
bartofwar28.mp3

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