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DABF09: The Old Man And The Key
SEASON THIRTEEN :: 28 Quotes
Marge: Hello?
Phone Recording: Hello, this is the Springfield Retirement Castle. Your parent Abe: Abraham Simpson Lady: Is dead. He died from Abe: Complications of a medical nature. :reading: The nursing home was not responsible.
key1.mp3
Homer: We've got what people never get: a second chance!
Abe: Yeah, there's so many things we ca..
Homer: Yeah yeah yeah, we'll call you, and send you some fruit.
key2.mp3

Abe: :crashes car into aquarium: Is this the dairy queen?
Whale: Muuuuuuuuh. Muuuuuuuuuuh
key3.mp3
Abe: But Zelda, if you're looking for something with a big back seat and a lot of gas, I'm your man.
key4.mp3
Bart: B6!
Homer: You sunk my Scrabble-ship!
Lisa: This game makes no sense.
Homer: Tell that to the good men that just lost their lives.
key5.mp3
Abe: Please, son. Driving is my last chance to feel alive.
Homer: Well, you brought me into this world. So.... NO!
key6.mp3
Abe: I'm dead.
Homer: Dad, get up.
Abe: No! I'm dead!
Marge: Grampa, come on.
Abe: Dead! Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead!
Marge: Alright Grampa, I'll help you get your licence back.
Abe: Woohoo! And I want driving gloves.
Homer: No way!
Abe: Dead, dead, dead, dead!
key7.mp3
Wiggum: First of all, I'd like to ask if anyone has any questions.
Crazy Old Man: Yah, where's da mens room?
Wiggum: It's down the hall
key8.mp3
Wiggum: You know, it's kinda ironic. These old people are being kept alive by the organs of the young people they ran over.
Lou: Makes you think, eh, chief?
Wiggum: Not really.
key9.mp3
Selma: Okay. Look at the eye chart and cover your left eye.
Abe: That's my seeing eye. The right one's my winking eye! :winks:
Selma: I'll give you your licence if you never do that again.
Abe: Oh, everything's the last time I do everything.
key10.mp3
Marge: Why don't we double date? Then the restaraunt will have to give us that booth.
Homer: Wow, a booth! If I'm tired I can just lie down.
key11.mp3
Homer: You're slow to react, dad!
Abe: ................................... Baloney!
key12.mp3
Guy: Bro! You tapped the septic tank!
Marge: Dude sure got his comeuppance.
Homer: In real life, he would die.
key13.mp3
Homer: Give me those keys! Do you have any idea what you put us through? I called the police, the hospital, my bookie, the kettle. Okay this isn't about who I called.
Lisa: See you later, I'm going to the library.
Abe: Lisa gets to do what she wants and you don't yell at her!
Lisa: Hey, I've earned their trust!
key14.mp3

Homer: Lisa doesn't borrow my car and stay out all night with some hoochie!
Abe: She's no hoochie! Her name is Zelda and she understands me.
Marge: Grampa, I gotta tell you, she's a stone cold hoochie!
Homer: Straight up, Marge! That hoochie only likes you because you can drive.
Abe: Shut up! You don't know her! Zelda loves me!
key15.mp3

Abe: I hate this house! :runs upstairs and plays old music loudly:
Homer: Turn that down! You call that music!?
key16.mp3

Homer: I just don't know what to do!
Marge: He used to be such an angel. Maybe you should give him another chance.
Homer: No! He's gotta learn, Marge. The way my dad made me learn.
Marge: He is your dad.
Homer: .....Cosmic!
key17.mp3

Apu: Oh, gentlemen. The new scratch and win tickets are out today!
Abe: I'll take one, Achu!
Apu: No, not chu, poo!
key18.mp3

Abe: Death race?
Homer: And another thing, no death races!
Abe: Oh, I'd better not.
Souvenir Jacket Men: Chicka chicka chicka!
Elderly Friends: Chicka chicka chicka!
Apu: Chicka chicka chicka!
Abe: Fine, I'll meet you at the abandoned aquaduct.
Apu: For the death race!
Abe: Yes, the death race.
key19.mp3

Man #1: Your jacket! She burns!
Man #2: Then I burn with her. For I would rather die, than have people not know what stores I have been to.
key20.mp3

Abe: :singing: Give me that old time fun! Give me that old time fun! Give me that old time fun! The kind where we stay home!
key21.mp3

Marge: First he wrecks your car, then he steals mine. Your father is out of control!
Homer: Oh, sure, when he does something bad he's my father?
key22.mp3

Abe: Okay, keep an eye peeled for Zelda.
Bart: Is that her?
Abe: No.
Bart: Is that her?
Abe: No.
Bart: Is that her?
Abe: No.
Bart: Is that her?
Abe: Nooo! Wait. It was the second one.
key23.mp3

Abe: Tennessee Ernie Ford? Now, I know you're dead.
Tennessee: No, you just think I'm dead.
Abe: No, you're dead. I was your biggest fan. Look, I clipped your obituary.
Tennessee: :reads clipping and turns to dust:
key24.mp3


Lisa: Mom, there's no gambling in Branson. It was designed as a family destination.
Marge: Oh, no, there's gambling. We just have to find it!
Lisa: Look mom, it's your car! Grampa and Bart must be in that theatre.
Marge: Bet you they're not! 3 to 1, how much you got?
Lisa: Mom, you're hurting me!
key25.mp3

Abe: I just wanna say... we're through! Nobody dumps Abe Simpson! You're nothing but a hoochie! Hoochie hoochie hoochie!
Audience: Hoochie hoochie hoochie!
Lady: Hoochie hoochie hoochie!
key26.mp3

Abe: Son, can you forgive an old fool?
Homer: Only in public!
key27.mp3

Lisa: This has been a Gracie Films Presentation!
key28.mp3

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