DABF08: Tales From The Public Domain 
SEASON THIRTEEN :: 30 Quotes
NOTICE: CHARACTER NAMES IN THIS EPISODE REPESENT THOSE OF SPRINGFIELDIENS, NOT CHARACTERS FROM THE STORIES THEMSELVES.
Homer: Overdue book? This is the biggest frame-up since OJ! Wait a minute, blood in the broncho, the cuts on the hands, those Jay Leno monologues. Oh my god he did it!
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Lisa: Classics For Children?
Homer: Oh yeah, I checked that out when Bart was born. I was going to read to him every day.
Bart: What happened?
Homer: Stuff kept coming up. Mostly car related. Piece of crap!
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Lisa: Why don't you read to us now?
Homer: I decide who reads and when. How bout now?
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Homer: Homer's Odyssey. Is this about that mini-van I rented once?
Lisa: No, Dad, it's an epic tale from ancient Greece.
Homer: That mini-van had the biggest cup holders. And change slots for every coin. From penny to quarter.
Bart: Dad, I loved it too. But it was seven years ago!
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Homer: I think I speak for all the Greeks when I say this war has gone on for too long.
Flanders: I'll say, I'd really like to go out and get the mail.
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Flanders: Now throughout history when people get wood, they'll think of trojans!
Homer: Hehehe! Trojans!
Lisa: What are you laughing at, dad?
Homer: If I'm laughing at what I think I am, it's very funny.
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Apu: Odysseus, do not forget to thank our gods for victory with an appropriate animal sacrifice!
Homer: Forget it! Sacrificing animals is barbaric! Now have the slaves kill the wounded.
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Lenny: Is is vayse, or vars? :asking about pronounciation of vase:
Carl: Are you going to be asking that the whole trip?
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Disco Stu: Disco Stu has ouzo for two-zo.
Bart: I'll leave you guys alone.
Disco Stu: Disco Stu was talking to you.
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Homer: Oh I'm still hungry.
Circes: Didn't you eat enough of your friends?
Homer: Those were my friends!?
Circes: Yes, I've been saying that for hours.
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Circes: You must go through Hadies, crossing the River Styx.
:"Lady" by Styx plays as Homer flats past on a boat:
Homer: Oh! This truly is hell!
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Marge: Brave Odysseus it's been twenty long years, regail me with tales of your adventures.
Homer: Quit suffocating me, I'm going to Moe's.
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Homer: This one takes place in a make-believe kingdom called France.
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Marge: Bartou, where is your sister, Joan? Morning bells-a-ringing, morning bells-a-ringing.
Bart: She's talking to her invisible friend, "god"
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Lisa: But I'm just a little girl!
God: I know, I have three eyes! Now get cracking.
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Bart: Joan, give me your dessert.
Lisa: That's just you, Bart.
God: Joan, give me your dessert!
Lisa: Yessir.
God: Oh, that's going straight to my five thighs.
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Wiggum: Trois, deux, un!
Lou: Uh?
Wiggum: No, un, you know, French for one.
Lou: Well you keep switching back between French and English.
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English Man: Allo allo allo! What's all dis, then? It's a little bird with a knife, innit. :Lisa stabs man: Oh.. what a thing to 'appen.
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Milhouse: Let us drink to Joan Of Arc, who will conquer the English! And has already conquered my heart.
Lisa: Uh, god says we should just be friends.
Krusty: I wouldn't say King Milhouse is a loser, but that's the twelfth girl he's struck out with this week!
Milhouse: Boil him in oil!
Krusty: So no 10:30 show?
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English Man 1: They're attacking again.
English Man 2: I thought we had a truce.
English Man 1: Just because you keep saying it doesn't make it so. :gets stabbed: Oh, my word!
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Lovejoy: Joan Of Arc, you are accused of heroecy, witchcraft, and that man told me you pushed him.
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Lisa: What happened, dad? They didn't really burn her, did they?
Marge: Of course they didn't honey. Just then, Sir Lancelot drove up on a white horse and saved Joan Of Arc, they got married and lived in a spaceship, the end. :tears out page and eats it: Well, it's easier to chew than that Bambi video!
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Marge: I love these Jesters, they're exactly what I need to forget about my first husband.
Moe: Yeah, I really miss the old guy. Was all I could do to put on his jewels and score with his wife every night.
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Bart: Ah-hah Methinks the plays the thing, wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king.
Moe: Catch my conscience, wha?
Bart: You're not supposed to hear me. That's a soliloquy.
Moe: Okay well I'll do a soliloquy too. Note to self: Kill that kid.
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Krusty: Somebody shout out a location.
Bart: This castle!
Krusty: Okay, how about an occupation.
Bart: Userper of the throne.
Krusty: I think I heard userper of the throne. Now finally I need an object.
Bart: Ear poison!
Moe: Hey, do you have diarrhoea? I have diarrhoea.
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Lisa: Oh great. Now Hamlet's acting crazy. Well nobody out-crazies Ophelia. Hey naneenannee with a hoo and a haw and a naneenanee heey!
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Bart: Thelonius? What are you doing behind the curtain.
Wiggum: I hide behind curtains because I have a fear of getting stabbed.
Ralph: Daddy's stomach is crying!
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Moe: Just in case you don't kill Hamlet I put some poison on the food, on the drapes, even on RosenCarl and GildenLenny here.
Lenny: If Hamlet touches either of us he's dead!
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Marge: No way I'm cleaning up this mess :kills self:
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Homer: It's not only a great play, but also became a great movie... called Ghostbusters! :Ghostbusters theme plays while the family dances:
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