DABF03: Sweets And Sour Marge
SEASON THIRTEEN :: 35 Quotes
Homer: Ow! My brain! [from couch scene]
Homer: A library selling books? If I didn't want em for free why would I wanna pay for them?
Marge: Why do you always wait till we arrive to complain?
Homer: :thinks for a few seconds: I dunno...
Dr. Nick: Hmm, that's what we look like inside? It's disgusting! Uugh, that lady swallowed a baby!
Marge: Lisa, you're not buying more than your weight in books.
Lisa: But I have to save them! The books no one buys get chopped up and fed to pigs!
Cletus: Helen Fielding's giving those pigs Bridget Jones's Dihoreah!
Marge: Well what about this. The Duff Book Of World Records. It's got pictures of deformities!
Homer: Oh okay. :laughs at the pages:
Bart: Why would Duff Beer put out a book?
Lisa: It was originally published to settle arguments in taverns.
Homer: She said tavern! I'm goin' to Moes!
Marge: :yelling after him: I never agreed to that rule!
Moe: That's the best book I've ever seen!
Homer: Nope, the best book you've ever seen is Tom Clancy's Opcenter.
Moe: That thing knows me better than I know myself.
Bart: Why don't you try to set a record, dad?
Homer: That's a great idea! Do you think I could run a mile in three and a half minutes?
Lisa: Only on Mars.
Homer: The Simpsons are going to Mars! So pack your... or maybe I'll think of something else.
Homer: What's the longest anyone's ever done this: :dances around blurting out sounds:
Lady: Three years.
Homer: Oh Pff.. fine. I'll just play the banjo with this cobra.
Guy: Uh, technically the cobra would get the record, he's the one playing.
Homer: But it's my banjo!
Lady: There are thousands of people like you with no disearnable talent.
Homer: Yeah, they're called congress! HEHEHE..
Homer: Alright, I'll make base camp here and try for the summit tomorrow.
Bart: Yeah dad, you can be the world's laziest stunt organizer.
Guy: Everyone, welcome to the Duff Book Of World Records. Springfield is the world's fattest town!
Homer: Woohoo! In your face, Milwaukee!
Marge: Ooh! Sugar Free Donuts!
Apu: No, that is sugar, WITH free donuts!
Dr. Hibbert: Sugar is not only fattening it's also terribly terribly addictive. Er, is my carton of pixie sticks in?
Apu: No it hasn't come in yet.
Dr. Hibbert: :violently: DAMMIT! When they come in you call me at this number!
Apu: :reading: 911?
Apu: I'm sorry but everything in this store from the honey glazed cauliflower to the chocko blasted baby asprin comes from the Mother Loving Sugar Corporation.
Marge: Well I'm going to have a talk with them. Where are their worldwide headquarters located?
Apu: Why right down the street.
Marge: Excuse me, I'm looking for the head of Mother Loving Sugar.
Garth: Yes, I'm Garth Motherloving.
Marge: I'm Marge Simpson, long time customer, first time complainer.
Garth: Hi Marge, I'm not up on the current slang but do the kids still say: "Get the hell out of my office!"?
Marge: I want you to stop putting so much sugar in everything! Or at least warn people that it's so unhealthy.
Garth: Mmm.. that'll boost sales! While we're at it, why don't I just change my name back to Hitler?
Garth: Note to Marge: GET OUT! :throws Marge the tape:
Marge: I'll play it later.
Marge: If you look up meany beany fo feeny in the dictionary, you'd see his picture!
Homer: Wait! YOU went to a sugar factory? Were there Oompa Loompas?
Marge: There was one in a cage. But he wasn't moving.
Marge: I'm filing a class action lawsuit against big sugar. Would you like to give a deposition?
Chief Wiggum: Sure, I'll join your lawsuit. Sugar's made my Ralphie hyperactive.
Ralph: I'm happy AND ANGRY!
Disco Stu: I'll get down with your lawsuit. Disco Stu got hooked on the white stuff back in the 70's.
Marge: Is that dinner?
Homer: It was dinner.
Marge: Why didn't you just turn off the oven?
Homer: I was hoping we could do that together :cries:
Mystery Voice: Marge Simpson?
Marge: Who is this?
Frink: I am an anonymous whistle blower. I worked on a top secret project called operation HOYVIN MAYVINNNNNNG!
Marge: Professor Frink?
Frink: Ow what gave me away? Out of curiosity was it the hoyvin or the mayvin or was is the whole GUHAYVEY thing that I do?
Garth: Frink you little weasel! I'll kill you!
Lawyer: May I remind you we're in open court!
Garth: I'll kill you too! I'll kill you all!
Judge: Mr. Motherloving that could be interpreted as a threat!
Garth: I'll kill you while you sleep.
Judge: I rule in favour of Marge Simpson.
Homer: Oh I am so proud of you!
Judge: And thanks to Marge Simpson's damning I hereby ban all sugar products from Springfield... forever!
Homer: Get in the car...
Homer: Thank you Erin Chocosnitch! That was a group effort.
Marge: I was just trying to make this a healthier place to live!
Homer: Well good work Blue Hair And Brockowitch! Okay that was mine.
Wiggum: Alright, time to throw in the Butterfingers.
Eddie: Hmm, it's not even singed.
Wiggum: Even the fire doesn't want them.
Homer: Ooh Ohh! A sticky spot! :licks it:
Apu: Mr. Simpson, you're licking blood and vaporub!
Homer: Part of me knew that.
Lisa: Is it really worth risking your lives for some sugar?
Marge: Dessert's on! I steamed some limes!
Lisa: God speed.
Count Fudgula: How's he doing?
Bart: I think he's grossed out by some seaweed.
Homer: Eew, I touched it..
Man: Okay man, here's the sugar. Now you give us the money!
Homer: That wasn't part of the deal. Hahaha.
Man: He's right... who wrote this thing!?
Burns: Stroke stroke stroke!
Apu: I'm rowing as fast as I can, sir!
Burns: No! I'm having one!
Homer: Before I bring the sugar in, I wanna see the Oompa Loompa.
Garth: He's right over there...
Homer: That guy's freaky!
Marge: No Homer! You'll be condemning this town to a life of obesity and diabetes.
Garth: Don't listen to her, Homer!
Homer: Oh they both make such good arguments!
Lenny: Hey I found some pearls! Oh wait, they're just my teeth. Well, I can still make a necklace out of them!