CABF08: Worst Episode Ever
SEASON TWELVE :: 27 Quotes
Bart: Good pancakes, mom!
Marge: Thank you honey! They come in a squeeze bottle now! :she squeezes, it makes a flatulent noise: Woo! Uh, I better put on the silencer.
Lisa: Eeew, how long has this baking soda been in here?
Marge: I dunno, it came with the house.
Bart: Hey dad, I bet you five bucks you can't eat the whole box!
Homer: Five? Why don't we make it fifty. Ooh, you're going to regret this!
Lisa: I'll call Poison Control.
Milhouse: Can I see the fifty Bart, can I? Huh?
Bart: Milhouse my friend, you and I are going on a spending spree.
Milhouse: My doctor says I'm not supposed to go on spree's.
Bart: What about jags?
Milhouse: Jags are fine.
Bart: Ooh! Too much raw bacon!
Milhouse: Come on, Bart. We can't stop spending now. There's one thing I've always wanted to do. My mom doesn't believe in fabric softener. But she's not around. Hehehehe!
Bart: I'm picking the next thing.
Comic Book Guy: Please do note, this is no ordinary comic book. It is in mint condition. If you spill soda on it, the drops fly off harmlessly onto lesser comics.
Comic Book Guy: 'Tis a quite corrective gasp.
[ Homer reminisces about the time he was banned from seeing Gallagher's performances. ]
Homer: Don't worry your spikey little head. I've got it all planned out.
Bart: How could you have it planned out, you just heard about the problem.
Homer: You're right. Give me a minute. Hmmm...
Homer: :putting on accent: Hellooo. I'm Shaquille O'Neill. Let us in, please!
Tom Savini: Good evening :burps: Uh, sorry. I had a really big dinner.
Homer: Woo! Dinner!
Bart: Yeah! That should be us covered with blood.
Comic Book Guy: Breath.. short... left..arm.. numb. Can't go on.. describing.. symptoms much longer :collapses:
Dr. Hibbert: Young man, you've had what we call a cardiac episode!
Comic Book Guy: Worst episode ever.
Dr. Hibbert: You... do have friends, don't you?
Comic Book Guy: Well... the SuperFriends...
Dr. Hibbert: Calm down. Don't make me put a dog heart in there!
Milhouse: Okay, here's Comic Book Guy's instructions. A carton of malten milk balls, one box confectioner sugar, a can of chocolate frosting.
Bart: That's just his shopping list.
Milhouse: No.. it's his instructions.
Bart: Uh uh. You've gotta be 40 inches tall for the adult section.
Bart: Okay. But get on your tippy-toes.
Ralph: Everybody's hugging!
Homer: Now, when you've got a bumbed ticker like we do, you need all the friends you can get. And Moe's is the friendliest place in the rum district.
:they enter the bar and Moe has a gun pointed at somebody's head:
Moe: Uh, let me buy you a drink.
Comic Book Guy: Very well. I will have a shot of Cranberry Scnappes.
Moe: Haha... uh, these are... they're just painted on there.
Comic Book Guy: Beer is the nectar of the nimwit.
Carl: Hey, are you knocking beer?
Lenny: Nobody badmouth's Duff! :he smashes a bottle, it cuts him: Aw, piece of crap!
Comic Book Guy: Oh please. If I wanted to hear mindless droning I'd befriend an air conditioner.
Moe: Oh now he's raggin' on air conditioners.
Carl: Hey they keep us cool in the summer, pal.
Lenny: Get 'im!
Agnes: Out of the way, Tubby.
Comic Book Guy: Oh pardon me, Oldie Hawn.
Agnes: Uh.. Why you ill-mannered sack of crap!
Comic Book Guy: Oh goodie. Now I know whatever happened to Baby Jane.
Agnes: You are the rudest man who ever... bought me dinner!
Comic Book Guy: Correction. I do not believe I ever bought you... oh!
Bart: We'll never sell these. Birds won't even use them in their nests!
[ Milhouse yells at Bart about the business ]
Milhouse: He's got the tape of Kent Brockman picking his nose. Look! He's picking his nose!
Marge: Oh look at you two. You look so couple-y.
Comic Book Guy: Yes, we're a perfect match. Her sneer just lights up my day.
Agnes: And we're always finishing each other's insults.
Bart: I must warn you that once this next tape starts, it will not stop! Because that button is broken.
Chief Wiggum: This place has got more pirated tapes then uuh...
Lou: A Chinese K-Mart?
Chief Wiggum: That'll have to do.
Scene: But the owner is in more hot water than....
Lou: A Japanese teabag?
Chief Wiggum: Why don't you lay off the Asians, Lou.