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BABF19: Behind The Laughter
SEASON ELEVEN :: 39 Quotes
Marge: They told us what to wear, how to dress, which clothes we should put on.
laughter1.mp3    32kb 

Homer: Then we figured out we could park them in front of the TV. That's how I was raised, and I turned out TV.
laughter2.mp3    39kb 

Marge: Homer kept saying he could do a more realistic family show. Finally I said, "So do it. Either **** or get off the pot."
Narrator: And **** he did..
laughter3.mp3    67kb
Homer: Honey, I'm home. The boss is coming to dinner and I need a clean shirt.
Marge: I haven't done the laundry yet.
Homer: Mama mia! Now I'll have to do it!
Lisa: Dad, that's too much detergent..
Homer: Not now, I'm busy turning on this washing machine.
Bart: Simpson! Where's my dinner?!
Homer: Mama mia!
.............
Lisa: It was amazing how fast Dad betrayed his vision of a realistic show.
laughter5.mp3    214kb
Marge: Okay, the material was a little corny, but Homer and I had real chemistry onscreen.
laughter6.mp3    38kb
Homer: Every day I thought about firing Marge ... you know, just to shake
things up.
laughter7.mp3    76kb 
Narrator: He tried to show his demo tape to the major networks... But couldn't get past the guards.
laughter8.mp3    54kb 
Marge: Fortunatelly, I had a network connection. The man who cut my hair was also the president of FOX.
laughter9.mp3    43kb 
Bart: I first knew the show was a hit when I walked into school and a kid was wearing a Bart Simpson t-shirt. Fox had an endless supply of clever slogans, man.
laughter10.mp3    54kb 
Lisa: Suddenly I was invited to every birthday party. Sometimes I'd have to read the cake just to know who I was singing to.
laughter11.mp3    48kb 
Bart: The funniest stuff came right out of real life.
...
Homer: Son, let's go out for frosty chocolate milkshakes.
Bart: Cowabunga, dude!
Director: And, cut.
Bart: Dad, I've never said "cowabunga" in my life! Your script sucks!
Homer: Why, you little...! [chokes Bart]
Director: Hey, that's funny!
...
Homer: And that horrible act of child abuse became one of our most beloved
running gags.
laughter12.mp3    195kb
Marge: We were using fifty dollar bills as toilet paper, and toilet paper as dog toilet paper.
laughter13.mp3    40kb 
Narrator: Convinced that the good times would never stop rolling, the Simpsons moved out of their trademark house and into M.C. Hammer's.
laughter14.mp3    47kb 

Bart: We found a secret room that was filled to the ceiling with parachute pants. I'm wearing some now!
laughter15.mp3    92kb 

The Simpsons: We're gonna groove tonight, We'll make you feel alright, Simpsons Boogie
Narrator: "Simpsons Boogie", "Lovely to Love Your Lovin'", and "Simpsons Christmas Boogie" went mega-platinum and swept the Grammys.
laughter16.mp3    94kb 

Ozzy Osborne: Right, and the award for best hardcore thrash metal goes to "Simpsons Christmas Boogie"?!
laughter17.mp3    81kb 

Homer: I want to set the record straight -- I thought the cop was a prostitute.
laughter18.mp3    42kb 

Narrator: But behind the streamers and confetti, storm clouds were gathering... *Figurative* storm clouds.
laughter19.mp3    54kb 

Moe: Oh, Homer was spending money like a teenage Arab, heh. He bought me a Rolex and, uh, Cashmere jeans. I felt kinda guilty 'cause I was always trying to score with his wife. So, when do we start filming? ...Oh.
laughter20.mp3    96kb 

Lenny: Even Bart was throwing dough around. He paid me and Carl a thousand bucks to kiss each other.
Carl: Hey, did we ever get that money?
laughter21.mp3    52kb 

Homer: Why did I take much punishment? Let's just say that fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug was the drugs.
laughter22.mp3    52kb 

Narrator: Where did the money go? Marge lost much of the family fortune investing in birth control products.
Marge: I learned something. When people reach for their diaphragm, they don't want to see my picture.
laughter23.mp3    86kb 

Chief Wiggum: I'd never acted before in my life, but, uh, if the sea captain could be in the show, why not me? I've even got a catch phrase. N'yeah! Wah! Wah-wah-wah! No, I lost it.
laughter24.mp3    85kb
 

Director: Hold on, cut. Bart, if it's not too much trouble....
Bart: Fine, I'll do "Teen Wolf Three". I've got fair weather friends to feed.
laughter25.mp3    76kb 

Narrator: While he was in rehab, the part of Bart Simpson was played by his good friend Richie Rich.
Marge: Bart, what do you mean you have jury duty?
Richie: Don't have a cow, mother!
laughter26.mp3    65kb 

Narrator: Before a riot could break out, Jimmy Carter came to the rescue with his comedy break dancing.
Carter: Got a brother named Billy. And my teeth look silly. Break it down, now
laughter27.mp3    76kb 

Narrator: The dream was over. Coming up: was the dream really over? Yes it was. Or was it?
laughter28.mp3    65kb 

Narrator: And Homer finds a new passion: dusting and polishing mixing boards.
laughter29.mp3    45kb 

Narrator: Fox put the show on hiatus, and replaced it with hidden camera footage from the dressing room at Ann Taylor.
laughter30.mp3    43kb 

Homer: Muahahahahaaa! :singing: Where is the rent? I must have the rent. Dollars, dimes, and nickels -- I need them all right now!
..
Homer: I literally chewed the scenery.
laughter31.mp3    95kb 

Narrator: Marge put together a night club act..
Marge: :singing: I shot the sherriff, but I did not shoot the deputy!
Back-Up Singers: She didn't do it! She didn't do it!
Marge: So the next time you see a sherriff, shoot him ... A smile!
Back-Up Singers: She didn't do it! She didn't do it!
laughter32.mp3    166kb 

Lisa: To prolong the run of the series, I was secretly given anti-growth hormones.
Homer: That's ridiculous. How could I even get all five necessary drops into her cereal? .... What?
laughter33.mp3    107kb 

Abe: They even brought their lawyers to thanksgiving dinner!
Homer: So umm... how's everybody doing?
Lawyer: You don't have to answer that.
Lisa: Shut up, all of you! Or I'll sue!
Marge: Oh, save it for your next book you little snitch!
Lawyer: That's assault! That is assault!
laughter34.mp3    107kb 

Homer: It was the best Thanksgiving ever. I mean, emotionally, it was terrible, but the turkey was so moist!
laughter35.mp3    47kb
 

Lisa: Hey, what's going on?
Willie Nelson: Well, I'll be honest. The New Awareness Awards are all an elaborate sham.
Woody Allen: What? I knew it was too good to be true!
laughter36.mp3    76kb 

Homer: Now it's time to get back to what matters: the show ... and the Sunday comic strip.
Marge: Which Homer writes himself.
Bart: So you know it's great!
laughter37.mp3    58kb 

Narrator: And now the future looks brighter than ever for this Northern Kentucky family.
laughter38.mp3    30kb 

Marge: I can't believe it! We won another contest!
Homer: The Simpsons are going to Delaware!
Lisa: I want to see Wilmington!
Bart: I want to visit a screen door factory!
..
Homer: [to editor] This'll be the last season.
laughter39.mp3    79kb 

Narrator: Next week, on "Behind the Laughter": Huckleberry Hound.
Huckleberry Hound: I was so gay ... but I couldn't tell anyone.
laughter40.mp3    54kb 

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