BABF05: Take My Wife, Sleaze
SEASON ELEVEN :: 16 Quotes
Announcer: Tonight on Guinness Book of World Records. A man who owns the current record for least amount of faces, with none. You'll also see the world's smelliest tumor.
Lisa: Eew, these records used to be real accomplishments, now they're just gross.
Announcer: Plus, you'll meet a dog that can't predict anything! And.. three other things!
Jack: Ey, remember the Fifties? Remember television, Coca-Cola, and Dick Clark?
Homer: I remember television!
Jack: At Greaser's Café, where it's 1955 every day of the year, baby.
Disclaimer: Actual year may vary. Consult calendar for current year.
Dennis The Menace: I once hid my dad's hat!
Dennis The Menace: And another time, I accidentally stepped in Mr. Wilson's flower bed. That was a two-part episode!
Bart: I have to go.
Bart: Man, you're bending the hell out of that kick-stand Homer. Why don't you just take it for a ride?
Homer: Promise you won't laugh?
Bart: Yeah, I promise
Homer: I don't know how!
Bart: You're kidding? :laughs for about 20 seconds:
Homer: Remember to rebel against authority, kids!
Skinner: Don't listen to him, children.
Milhouse: But we already did. Now I can't get it out of my head!
:Nelson hits him over the head:
Krabappel: Thank you, Nelson.
[ Homer and the rest of the 'Hell's Satans' chat to Chief Wiggum at the traffic lights ]
Apu: Get away from my store you young hoodlums!
Homer: And what if we don't, pops?
Lenny: He's got a broom!
:they all take off on their bikes:
Manjula: You promised me no more brooms!
Apu: I know this is not your way, but we're in america now.
Meathook: Take off that jacket, man.
Meathook: Now, eat it.
Homer: All right.
Meathook: Aw, man, now you gotta eat that, too!
Ramrod: You got anything else with our logo on it?
Homer: Caps and Frisbees, sir.
Meathook: You gotta eat them, too!
Homer: ...and some pogs.
Homer: Hello, police? Can you send a SWAT team to 742 Evergreen Te --
Wiggum: Forget it, Simpson. Those pig noises you made really hurt my feelings, looking like a pig as I do.
Homer: But you have so much inner beauty.
Wiggum: Well, uh, be that as it may, ah, the gang is wanted in eight other states and we have a little saying around here: Let Michigan handle it.
Meathook: Marge, how did you get my jacket so clean? I've tried everything to get those blood and puke stains out. I've tried hitting them, I've tried yelling at 'em ...
Marge: All it takes is the right cleanser and a little elbow grease.
Ramrod: Do you have anything that will get this emblem back on my jacket? I've tried spitting at it, you know, but..
Marge: Just put it on my sewing pile.
Lisa: Dad, I'm tired of bathing in the yard, plus I think Rod and Todd are watching!
Rod/Todd: No we're not!
Marge: When you get a job interview, try not to call your employer a punk, or a skank.
Meathook: Makes sense.
Ramrod: Oh, don't call them skanks.
Meathook: Miss Simpson? I killed my pencil.
Marge: Broke. You "broke" your pencil.
Meathook: You, and me, in the circle of death!
Marge: Oh! I just swept the circle of death!
Meathook: You know what I'm going to do after I kill you? Take your wallet.
Homer: Never -- it was a gift from "Newsweek"