AABF08: Sunday, Cruddy Sunday
SEASON TEN :: 34 Quotes
Skinner: Now who's ever wondered how the Post Office works? ............. Anyone?
Lisa: I.. did until we came here last year!
Postmaster Bill: Ho ho ho, howdy partners welcome to your Post Office!
Bart: Wow, ours!? (messes up paper, draws on walls)
Bart: Be with you in a minute!
Krusty: Legends of comedy my tookus... what has Fatty Arbuckle done that I haven't done!?
Postmaster Bill: This machine reads zip codes. These five digits tell us where to direct your mail!
Lisa: But it's nine digits now, what's the point of these other four numbers?
Postmaster Bill: Those are citizen relocation codes. With any luck we'll never.. need them.
Security Guy #1: She's onto us! Shall we flood the chamber?
Security Guy #2: Not yet...
Skinner: Any questions for Postmaster Bill?
Nelson: Have you ever gone on a killing spree?
Postmaster Bill: Ho ho ho, nooo noo, the day of the gun shot and the disgruntled postman went out with the Macarena.
Skinner: Well, I'm just glad I work in an Elementary School.
Postmaster Bill: You can each help yourself to one piece of undeliverable mail!
Ralph: I'll take you!....... (dogs sniff package and growl) I got some dog food!
Milhouse: I got my letter to Santa!
Bart: A coupon book? What am I gonna do with this piece of junk -- Happy Birthday Dad!
Homer: Wow, a Value-qual coupon book! Ten percent off carpet cleaning.. TEN! :gasp: Two pizza's for the price of one at Doughies!!!
Lisa: Doughies have terrible pizza!
Homer: Yeah but there's TWO!!!
Homer: Seeya kids! Me and my value-qual book are going to paint the town red.... with savings!! I'll start with a couple of pizza's, then top it off with a Tango lesson...
Wally Kogen: Hey you got off easy. I just came here to use the phone and they got me for the whole Road King package. Allignment Shock, Armorol, Stem Lube...
Homer: Hehe, Stem Lube, even I didn't fall for that!... Although Winter is coming...
Wally: Say, you wanna get a beer while we're waiting?
Homer: Yeah, I'm getting tired of them pointing and laughing at us.
Coach: Now what am I gonna do?..... YOU!
Coach: Yeah you... get your hand off my wife's leg!
Homer: Hey, Moe! You wanna come with me and Wally to the Superbowl!?
Moe: Oh absolutely, my favorite team's in it! The ... Atlanta Falcons ... Yeah, ever since I was a boy I've always loved the ... Atlanta Falcons ...
Homer: Yeah, they're good, but I wouldn't cut out the ... Denver Broncos ...
Wally: Yeah... I hear that President ... Clinton ... Is going to be watching with his wife ... Hillary ...
Homer: C'mon Lenny, I need four more guys to fill my Superbowl bus.. what do you say?
Homer: Oh COME OOOOONNN!
Homer: Yes! Now that Lenny's in, Carl will fall like a domino!
Lisa: Wow, you've signed up quite a few people, dad... Sea Captain, Bumblebee Man, Comic Book Guy, the Squeaky Voiced Teen...
Homer: Yeah, it's a good group...
"Roody": [ Runs after Homer's Superbowl Bus hoping to get on.. everybody tells him to get lost ]
Wally: Well sports fans, I see you've found the beer supply, so lets all enjoy it in moderation
Wally: Hey don't make me come back there!
Wally: Seriously now, If you have any questions, just ask our team leader Homer Simpson
Homer: [drunk] La blah laoo laaa laa
Wally: Or... me... uh, better ask me.
Marge: Hm, it's so nice to have a peaceful weekend together...
Lisa: Yeah I'm bored too...
Wiggum: Alright alright, you guys have had way too much booze..... laaast call!!
Wally: Hehe, I'm sorry, the guys kind of made a mess in your bathroom...
Bus Driver: What bathroom...!?
Dan Morino: [ Throws a ball to Bart that Homer catches. Dan gets his guards to beat Homer... ]
Marge: Oh, honey, that is egg-ceptional!
Lisa: Okay, now we just have to stick the feet on...
Marge: Right......... Lisa I don't wanna alarm you but I'm not finding any!
Lisa: But it clearly says 'Feet Included', they have to be here!
Vincent Price: If you are calling about the missing feet, leave your address and the replacement feet will be rushed to you by my grandson Jody. And now I must return to the sweet embrace of the crypt. But I'll be back! Muahahahahaha!
Lisa: So is he alive, or not?
Marge: 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield, Ohaya-Maude.. come on in!
[ Everbody stands in the Superbowl Jail and kicks Homer up the bottom ]
[ The Catholic Church commercial on television... ]
Announcer: The Catholic Church.. we've made a few... changes!
Lisa: These Superbowl Commericals are wierd!
Wiggum: Relax Simpson, relax. A little known fact about Jail Cells is they always have one fake bar for like.. emergencies. Real, real, real, real, real. So by the process of elimination, this one is fake...... OW! That's painful!
Wally: I just feel pretty dog-one bad... If they were electing a president for Dumbville I'd have to nominate me.
Bart: You got my vote...
Homer: Psst... cleaning lady. Will you let us out of here?
Dolly Parton: Me!? I'm Dolly Parton!
Homer: I didn't ask for your life story, just gimme the key!
Dolly Parton: Young Man, where I come from, the South, folks say please!
Wally: Dolly, wait!
Dolly Parton: Wally!?
Krusty: YOU know Dolly Parton?
Wally: Yeah, I book a lot of package tours to Dollywood and Euro Dollywood -- that's in Alabama.
Dolly: Wally Kogen, what are you doing in Superbowl jail?
Krusty: Ask her if she'll go out with me!
Wally: We had a little ticket snafoo, do you think you could bust old Wally and his pals out of the pokey?
Dolly: Well I do have some of my extra strength makeup remover. Shield your eyes. :the lock burns off:
Lenny: Thanks Miss Parton!
Barney: Oh way to go Dolly!
Krusty: Will you go out with me?
Wally: Who's ready for some football!
[ "Song 2" by Blur plays for about 10 seconds... ]
Moe: Homer, we've been running around cheering for an hour, where's the game!?
Homer: You guys were following me!? I was following Flanders!
Rupert Murdoch: What the bloody hell!?
Homer: It the road gramps, this is a private sky box
Rupert: I'm Rupert Murdoch, and this is my skybox...
Moe: If you're Rupert Murdoch, prove it!
[ he tells his guards to send out a message, within 4 seconds, everybody on the ground has formed the words HI RUPERT ]
Everyone: Uh oh...
Wally: Well... I'm convinced.
Football Player: Whoo! I'm going to Disneyland!
Wally: Really? Cuz I'm a travel agent and I've heard nothing but bad things...
Bill Clinton: Uh hello, this is President Clinton.
Homer: Hey, how you doing?
Bill Clinton: You know, your determination and grit under extreme pressure are an inspiration. The whole country is proud of you.
Homer: Well it's about time!
Bill Clinton: And on behalf of America, I'd like to..
Homer: :Lovejoy whips him with a towel: OW! Alright Lovejoy, you're gonna get it.
Bill Clinton: Hello? HELLO? I command you to answer me, hello!?
Pat Summerall: Well John, what did you think of tonight's episode?
John Madden: I loved it! The last minute addition of Wally Kogen to the lineup was a bit of a gamble, but it really payed off.
Pat: Marge and Lisa painting eggs. Did that work for you?
John: Oh, big time! They came off the bench with a huge effort, and allowed Homer and Bart to make some significant gains.
Pat: Did it strike you as odd that in a Superbowl show with Dolly Parton we didn't see any football or singing?
John: I hadn't thought about it Pat, but in retrospect, it was kind of a ripoff! What a way to treat the loyal fans who have put up with so much nonsense from this franchise!
Pat: Any final thoughts?
John: Nah, I'm too mad let's get the hell out of here!