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AABF04: Homer Simpson In: Kidney Trouble
SEASON TEN :: 25 Quotes
Bart: This ghost town is gonna be great. Now with 30 percent more gunfights.
Marge: And 40 percent more rootin' tootin!
kidney1.mp3    84kb

Marge: This is so sweet of you to take us out like this Homey.. C'mon kids, three cheers for your father. Hip hip!
Lisa: Mom, don't...
Marge: Hip hip!
Bart: We heard you the first time!
Marge: HIP HIP!
Homer: Hey, i'm trying to drive here.
kidney2.mp3    79kb 

Lisa: Hey dad, that light says check engine...
Homer: Uh oh... the tape must have fallen off.... there, problem solved (engine stops)
kidney3.mp3    82kb
Homer: Relax, it just needs a little lovin! (tries to start the car... notices he stopped in front of the retirement castle... screams)
Abe: Aww! They remembered my birthday. (walks to car, Homer keeps screaming) Happy Birthday to me... Happy birthday to me!
kidney4.mp3    167kb
Homer: Two hours!? Why did they build this Ghost Town so far away!?
Lisa: Because they discovered Gold right over there...
Homer: That's because they're stupid, that's why. That's why everybody does everything!
kidney5.mp3    66kb
Marge: This should be very Educational, I want you kids to pay attention!
Tour Guide:
Founded by prostitutes in 1849, and serviced by prostitute express riders who could bring in a fresh prostitute from St. Joe in three days, Bloodbath Gulch quickly became known as the place where a trailhand could spend a months pay in three minutes.
kidney6.mp3    136kb
Marge: I never realized history was so filthy!
Tour Guide: First on our tour is the whore house, then we'll visit the cat house, the brothel, the bordello, and finally the old mission.
Marge: Oh thank heaven!
Tour Guide: Lots of prostitutes in there!
kidney7.mp3    94kb 
Homer: Do we have to listen to you?
Tour Guide: Well... no... you don't but if you have any interest in History..
Homer: I'm done!
kidney8.mp3    62kb 
Homer: Hey robot, get your fat metal ass down here!
Bartender: First of all, I'm not a robot, and second, I got this metal ass in 'nam, defending this country for lazy jerk's like you... now whaddya have partner!
kidney9.mp3    93kb 
Homer: Lets see.. one two three.... six Whiskeys!
Bartender: We only serve Sarsaparilla, mac, no alcohol
Marge: You can get drunk when we get home...
Homer: Duh...
kidney10.mp3    68kb
Robot 1: Hey, these cards are mine.
Robot 2: Now look what you've done!
Robot 1: I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me.
Robot 3: Lets forget this whole thing happened.
Homer: What the heck is this, a tea party? Somebody kill somebody!!
[ the robots look at him and get out their guns, and start shooting at him ]
Marge: What IS it with you and robots...
kidney11.mp3    150kb 
Bart: Hey mom, look what I got..
:shows Marge a 'Wanted' sign with Homer's face on it:
Marge: Oh that's cute! Did you get it in the souvineer shop?
Bart: No, that security guard is handing them out!
kidney12.mp3    72kb 
Tour Guide: There's old Curly. He played the town preacher until we laid him off. But he still hangs around.
Curly: Help me please I'm sick!
Marge: Homer!
Homer: But it's funny, Marge! The guy's sick!
:Curly falls into a water trough:
Lisa: Uh, shouldn't we help him?
Bart: He knows what he's doing.
kidney13.mp3    149kb 
Homer: We're almost home dad.... Only a couple more times over the horizon...
Abe: But I might explode!
Homer: Just sit back and relax! I'm not gonna let anything happen to my old dad!
Dr. Hibbert: Oh dear god! This man's kidneys have exploded!
kidney14.mp3    107kb
Homer: Come on, Doc...There's gotta be something I can do to help my dad...
Dr. Hibbert: Well you could give him a kidney..
Homer: A kidney!?... okay, fine!
Dr. Hibbert: You see the waiting list for a kidney is very long, and...
Homer: I said fine! What is it about the word sure you don't understand!?
kidney15.mp3    108kb
Lisa: Besides, nothing's too good for a wonderful generous guy like you!
Homer: Well that's what I always thought but somehow..
Bart: Check it out, dad. I rented all your favorite gorilla movies! Gorilla Squadron, Gorilla Island 6..
Homer: <gasp> Ape's-A-Poppin! Ooh, the airline version!
Lisa: Can I fluff your pillow?
Homer: Nothing's too good for me!
kidney16.mp3    127kb 
Moe: Listen I'm just gonna get right to the point here... can I have your buttocks? I mean, if you die? They look pretty comfortable.
Homer: Yeah I guess.
kidney17.mp3    53kb 
Homer: What if instead of donating one of my old worn out kidneys, I gave grandpa that artificial kidney I invented...
Marge: Oh Homer, that was just a beer can with a whistle glued to it...
kidney18.mp3    59kb 
Abe: Jack and Jill went up the hill and......... Jill came tumbling after.. the end. Goodnight.
Child Homer: Is that the same Jack from Jack and the Beanstalk?
Abe: You know son, I believe it is...
Child Homer: And Jack Spratt... is that him too?
Abe: Sure why not... Goodnight!
Child Homer: Is he the same as Jack be Nimble, Jack Frost and Little Jack Horner?
kidney19.mp3    141kb 
Homer: You're right Marge.. I'll do it.. But if I die during the operation will you do one thing for me?
Marge: Oh, anything sweetheart...
Homer: Blow up the hospital...
Marge: Hmm, I said I'll do it... so I guess I'll have to...
kidney20.mp3    101kb 
Abe: Am I dead yet?
Marge: No...
Abe: How bout now?
Marge: No!
Abe: Now..?
Marge: I'll tell you when you're dead, Grandpa!
Abe: Thankyou!
kidney21.mp3    59kb 
Homer: Umm... can I be a mate on your ship? Preferrably first mate..
Window Cleaner: Well if you look closely... you'll see this is a Taffee shop shaped like a ship...
Homer: Oh! I like taffee but I don't deserve taffee!
kidney22.mp3    108kb 
Krusty: Oooh boy ooh, Looks like we're both short on time... so I'll go to the big finish... You are so beautiful.... to.... MEEEEEE! Feel better!
kidney23.mp3    96kb 
Homer: I'd like to apply for a job... any job! If you don't have a captain I could be that!
Captain McAllister: Yarr! What other ships ye been on?
Homer: Uuuh, I've been in that one... the Taffee Shop!
Captain McAliister: Good enough!
kidney24.mp3    115kb   
Lady: So one day, I stole a loaf of bread, put it in the freezer until it was very hard... then robbed a bank with it!
kidney25.mp3    47kb   

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